“I see. We’re back to this, then. I’m the selfish one, for suggesting we should be together.”
Mari closed her eyes and felt tears skitter down her cheek. The wind increased and tossed the trees behind them. The waves hitting the sand beach in the distance sounded lonely. She pushed her blowing hair off her damp face.
“I don’t think that anymore. You’re not selfish. You’re strong. Stronger than I am. You said you would accept my decision after we returned from Chicago.” She swallowed convulsively. “Please understand. I’m not strong enough to follow you this time around.”
She turned away from the lake and paused. “Ryan and I booked flights back home. We leave tomorrow. I can finish what remains to be done for The Family Center from there. I’ll go inside now and tie up a few loose ends. Ryan can pick me up here later.” She lowered her head, praying for strength to continue. “There’s…there’s something I’ll need to speak with you about, but…perhaps it’d be best if it waited until I was in San Francisco.”
She glanced up at him. This was by far the hardest thing she’d ever done. Her entire body hurt as if every cell protested at the idea of leaving him. She touched her stomach in an instinctive protective gesture. This life was the one that had decided her, in the end. She needed to protect her child from the pain and heartache of their past. Wasn’t fate screaming loud and clear that they weren’t meant to be together? How many more people would be hurt if they tried?
“Good-bye,” she said quietly.
He said nothing, but she felt his gaze on her as she walked back through the trees alone.
Chapter Fourteen
Six weeks later, Ryan and Mari paused by the front door of her condominium. She knew what her brother was going to say before he said it.
“You’re not yourself, Mari. I’m worried about you.”
“I’m fine. You were at the doctor’s appointment with me two days ago. You heard it yourself. I couldn’t be healthier and neither could the baby.”
Ryan looked doubtful. She knew he’d been referring to her spirits, not her physical well-being. Before he could say anything else, she kissed him farewell on the jaw.
“I’ll talk to you soon?”
Ryan opened his mouth and then closed it again. “Yeah. Okay. Call me if you need me,” he said with a pointed glance before he walked out the door.
Ever since she’d broken the news to Ryan about her pregnancy two weeks ago, he was constantly dropping by and checking her pantry to see if she had enough food, or lecturing her about little things, like when he noticed she’d used a small ladder to change a lightbulb.
She sighed and picked up the bag of items he’d dropped off and carried them to her dining room. Ryan meant well. He was as hyperaware as she was that her baby’s father wasn’t around to look out
for her. When she’d told him who the father was, it had not been a comfortable moment.
Since then, neither of them had mentioned Marc’s name out loud.
She still hadn’t called Marc to break the news. It just seemed too overwhelming. Insurmountable, in fact. She couldn’t seem to build up the energy required to tell Marc they were going to have a baby, if not a future, together.
She set the bag of items on her dining room table with a thud, purposefully trying to scatter her thoughts of Marc. She kept waiting for the pain to fade, but after being in San Francisco for six weeks now, it still hurt to think of him…to recall his face as they stood together on Silver Dune.
She’d kept herself busy with her symphony work and making plans for the baby’s nursery. She’d turned over much of the day-to-day preparations for The Family Center to Allison Trainor, Eric Reyes and Colleen. Constantly conversing with the Harbor Town residents— especially Colleen—had made her too depressed. She’d needed to cut back on her interactions for basic survival’s sake.
Of course limiting her communications with Eric or Colleen hadn’t stopped her from waking up in the middle of the night in a state of panic, feeling as if she’d left something crucial behind. The dreams varied, but the experience of waking in a cold sweat, anxiety clawing at her throat was the same. That, and the inevitable tears that followed.
The experience was very similar to what had occurred when she’d been uprooted and moved to San Francisco fifteen years ago.
It was so hard to keep reminding herself she was doing the right thing when it felt so wrong.
Mari opened the green garbage bag on the table and withdrew a smaller, sealed bag filled with photos. She took out a black-and-white one and smiled at the handsome couple posing for their wedding picture.
“That’s your grandma and grandpa,” Mari whispered, her hand on her belly.
She definitely possessed a small baby bump now, something that was only identifiable to Mari and a few people who were in the know. She’d taken to talking to the baby, much to her own amusement.
“They would have spoiled you rotten, especially my dad,” she told the baby.
She reached into the plastic bag and pulled out a black yearbook. All of the items had come from the Harbor Town basement. The house had sold three weeks ago. Ryan had brought back the remaining family items when he returned to San Francisco. He’d just recently divided them up, however, and brought Mari’s share to her condominium tonight. Or at least that’s the reason he’d given for dropping by on a Friday night at eight o’clock. Mari knew it really was just an excuse for checking up on her.
Who knew her big, bad, fighter pilot brother could be such a mother hen?