Karina
I can’t believe I did this.
Where in the world is my mind? I spent all that time at the copy center yesterday going through the samples book, choosing the paper stock, getting my resumes printed, even paying for them... and then I forget them. This job interview is important to me. I just graduated, and I’m lucky that the agency is even allowing me to come in for an interview when I don’t have any actual social work experience. I can’t be late for it.
I sigh deeply and blow the hair out of my face as I push through the door of the copy center. I wave at the man behind the counter as he gives me a knowing smirk, and I get in line before I dig my phone out of my bag and look at the time. I’m going to be late. No one is going to hire me if I’m late.
With my arms crossed over my chest, the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. A warm flush spreads through my body, and it’s the exact same feeling I had yesterday when I was here. It’s almost as if someone is watching me. I look around the store, and the man in the corner is occupied, trying to figure out the self-copier. The couple on the other side of the small store are looking at the wall of boxes, trying to find the size they need. Nothing is out of the ordinary, but the feeling doesn’t go away.
I can hear my own heartbeat in my ears, and it’s like the world is slowing down around me. It’s like every sense is on high alert and is anticipating that something is about to happen. I run my hands down the front of my pants to dry the sweat off my palms.
There’s movement behind me, and I turn to catch whoever is following me, but there’s no one there. I clench my eyes closed tightly and shake my head. Get it together, Karina.
Facing the counter again, I open my eyes, and there’s a man standing so close to me that all I can see are his eyes, bulging and bloodshot. The scream comes before I can stop it.
I sit up in my bed with a start. My alarm is screeching, and I’m drenched in sweat.
Another bad dream? I thought I was getting better.
I reach over to the nightstand and turn off the alarm, but once it’s off, the ringing continues. I groan and realize my phone is ringing too. I grab it, look at the caller ID, and inwardly groan. My sister Kassie is calling, and I know exactly what she’s calling for.
I clear my throat. “Hey, sis!”
She pauses and then sing-songs into the phone, “Oooh, did I wake you up? You must have had a late night last night. How did your date go?”
I search my mind and try to remember the fake name I gave Kassie. “Yeah, uh, Jordan and I had fun. We went and ate sushi and talked.”
“Jordan? I thought it was Jonah?” she laughs. “I swear you have so many guys asking you out even you can’t keep them straight, can you?”
It’s an assumption my family has jumped to several times before, and going with it is much easier than explaining all the reasons why I’m not ready to date. It’s been five years since everything happened. You’d think I’d be able to move on at this point.
“Karina? Are you still there?”
“Yes, I’m here. Sorry. Still waking up. How’s my beautiful little niece doing?”
I know getting Kassie to talk about Kate will get her off the topic of me and dating. She thinks because I’m twenty-two I should be ready to settle down, but little does she know, I have no desire to even date... let alone get married.
“She’s running me ragged. She’s into dance, and we’re always going, it’s nonstop. She’s definitely keeping Hollywood and me on our toes. Buuuut... she misses her aunt. When are you going to come visit?”
And there it is. Guilt. I know she doesn’t mean to do it, but instantly, I feel guilty. I love my sister, brother-in-law, and niece. I want to be with them... but I can’t. Not without them seeing how messed up I am. There’s so much guilt. Kassie feels guilty for what happened to me with Blake. I blame myself that Kassie was hurt saving me. It’s a never-ending cycle.
“I know. I miss Kate too. I miss all of you.” I rest my head in my hands. Man, I wish things could be different. Why can’t I be normal?
After an uncomfortable silence, Kassie clears her throat. “Well, we don’t have to talk about it today. You have your big interview this morning. You better get a move on. That’s why I’m calling. I wanted to wish you luck!”