“I watched my parents die.”
She gasps and covers her mouth, staring at me wide-eyed, more tears glimmering in her captivating blue eyes.
“Oh, Kayden…”
I nod and tell her my story.
Chapter Sixteen
Kyra
Kayden’s words hammer into me. It’s not just the words themselves, those are terrifying enough. It’s the way he said them. His tone dead and dark, his eyes glassy, as though he was mentally distancing himself from what happened.
Now he nods, leaning forward slightly.
“I was eight years old and there was a house fire. I was downstairs and it was late. I wasn’t supposed to be downstairs, but you know how kids are. I used to love playing with my miniature Army action figures. Sometimes I’d even sneak into the living room once mom and dad were asleep, arranging them in battle formations. I guess even then I knew I wanted to be a soldier.”
He cuts himself off with a shaky breath. For a second I think he might shed a tear, but his eyes remain hard.
All I can do is squeeze onto his hand and try not to break the spell. I sense that he’s going to stop if I come across as too eager, too desperate to get to the truth.
“Anyway, it turns out my mom had smoked a cigarette in the bedroom. It was a hot summer and she’d left it in the ashtray. But I guess it fell, caught the carpet. My parents were heavy sleepers so they didn’t wake up right away. I didn’t know fire could be so damn quiet.”
A shiver moves through him visibly, causing him to tremble slightly. I tighten my grip on him as emotion breaks through the deadness of his voice. He sounds so much younger as he goes on, as though the little boy from all those years ago has picked up this part of the story.
I never thought Kayden Kater could sound vulnerable, but he does now. It makes me want to hold him, the same way he did with me, but this moment is too important to break.
“The first thing I heard was my dad shouting. He was yelling from the top of the stairs. After all these years, I still can’t believe they didn’t wake up sooner. I ran upstairs but there was smoke everywhere. The fire had already spread to the rafters. Our rickety old house… the rafters had collapsed across the doorway, blocking it, the flames so hot my skin instantly burned even from the other end of the hallway.
“My dad roared at me to call 911. I did. I ran downstairs, tripping and busting my nose… but I called them. And then, once they were on their way, I ran back upstairs. I almost passed out, there was so much smoke. My dad kept shouting at me to get out. He was trying to move the rafters, but every time he bent down to grab them, he shouted and leaped away. It was just too hot. My mother was crying. I’ll never forget her desperate cries. They both kept shouting at me to leave.”
I stand, grab my chair, and move it around the table. Sitting close to him, I clasp his hand in both of mine, staring up at him in what I hope is a supportive way.
He gazes down at me, jaw clamped tight.
“I tried to help,” he whispers. “I went downstairs and wrapped kitchen towels around my hands. I thought I could help move the rafters. I ignored them when they told me to leave. The fire was getting bad by then, eating around the doorway, the wallpaper, everything. And then another rafter collapsed, sealing them off. I said I watched them die. Maybe that wasn’t accurate. It was more like I heard them die.”
“Oh, Kayden.” I swallow a sob. “I can’t imagine how awful that must’ve been.”
“I heard their screams for years afterward. I guess I still do sometimes. And it… it broke something in me, Kyra. I think it made me less emotional, less human in a sense. Maybe it made me a little strange too because I think that was the day I decided…”
“Decided what?” I whisper.
He leans forward, resting his forehead against mine. His skin is warm. His eyes are hard, but behind the hardness, there’s something else, like the little boy who listened to those screams is trying to burst through.
“I’ve thought about this over the years. My friend and right hand man, Jack, says I’m crazy. But I think it started that night.”
“What did?”
“My desire to find my soulmate.”
My mouth falls open as I stare at him.
“That night made me cold and hard, which helped me in my military career. I was able to close off certain parts of my mind and focus on the task at hand. But it wasn’t all good. It made me cold in relationships too, unable to ever fully connect. So I realized something… I’d need to find the woman of my dreams, a woman who would blot out all that other nasty shit. I’d need to find someone who would make feeling worth it because feeling can be so damn painful.