I put my mouth to Ivy’s forehead.
She’s shivering in my arms. Saying nothing. I know she’s not sleeping; she’s just shivering in my arms. She’s afraid. Of me.
Maybe with them gone, she’ll listen to my apology. Maybe she’ll melt against me instead of being stiff and trembling.
I bring my body temperature up a little to help with her shivering.
“I’ll see you in the morning. I’m just downstairs if you need anything,” my mother says, then leaves, shutting the door.
There’s a pitcher of water and ice cubes on the bedside table with two tall glasses.
I pour a glass, still cradling Ivy to my chest with my free hand. She squirms away from me as I bring it to my lips, hoping to get that bitter taste off my tongue. Our eyes meet.
I pass her the glass before I drink any.
Her eyes are filled with hate.
Is that hate I see? Is it truly hate?
She looks away, as if she could barely stand to look at me long enough to show me that hate.
“Ivy, please. I’m sorry. I made a terrible mistake.”
She shakes her head, looking the other way, cradling herself with both arms.
“Ivy?”
She won’t even look at me. Her feet dangle from the side of the bed but her face is turned away.
I put the glass down, then drop to the floor, putting my forehead to her knees.
“He – you’re mine. And I didn’t… I don’t know what –”
My words aren’t adequate. I swallow and try again.
“Ivy, the haze. The haze came over me and I wasn’t me … I was me but that other me. I didn’t realize the effect of what I was doing. I had a single-minded focus. Stop him. Show him. And I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”
She says nothing.
“I’ll do anything, Ivy. Anything to show you I’m sorry.”
“Do you mean that?” she whispers hoarsely, still not looking at me.
I’m so relieved she’s talked to me. I breathe out my relief, and hope it pushes any of that toxic haze that’s left out of me.
“I mean that. I swear I mean that, Ivy.”
“Then go. That’s what I want. Leave me alone.”
“Why?” My throat hurts.
“I need space,” she says.
“Ivy…”
“I… need…”
It sounds like the words are being torn from her.
“Space!”
Her voice breaks at the end and it feels like a boulder drops, landing on top of my chest and just staying there. Her body is wracked with sobs again. Even her curls in her hair jiggle with it as she weeps, cradling herself, her beautiful eyes hidden from me.
“I’ll send Bailey in. To stay with you?”
“Fine,” she bites off.
I rise and lean over, taking her chin into my hand so that she looks at me.
I immediately release her chin when I see the expression on her face. I can’t look at her looking at me like that.
I put my lips to her forehead.
“Please forgive me.”
“Never,” she vows softly and with what feels like blades dripping from her words. Jagged steel coated in blood she wishes was mine.
She hates me.
I try to summon up a purr for her, to comfort her, but I can’t seem to do it. My throat feels like it’s lined with broken glass.
“I’ll come back in the morning. I’ll give you space,” I croak out.
No response.
I almost had everything. A family. A pack. Brothers to run with.
A perfect soulmate.
Almost.
But right now it feels like I have less than the nothing I had when I spent all those years in the woods alone.
Was I better off there?
More important, was Ivy better off with me there?
40
Ivy
Someone thankfully brought my purse, so I put it over my shoulder and slowly open the door.
I creep past him and he doesn’t wake. He’s asleep on the floor directly outside the bedroom door.
I’ve waited for hours, it feels like, and I’m glad Bailey never came in. Finally, I’m ready to try this. I’m going to escape or maybe die trying, because that’s all I can think to do. Get as far away as I can.
I catch a glimpse of his sleeping face and the pain that cleaves through me at the sight of his profile is excruciating. It hurts just too much to look at him, so I won’t. I tear my eyes away and don’t allow myself to look as I step over his sleeping body.
While tiptoeing down the stairs I hear voices, so I peer carefully around a corner and see it’s just the television.
Cat’s sleeping on a sofa and Riley sleeps on a chair.
A silver and black wolf sleeps on the floor by Cat. I don’t know who that is. He’s snoring a little. He’s massive.
They’re all obviously tuckered out.
And good. Because maybe I’ll get out of here in one piece.
I get outside and see Bailey standing there against the wall, smoking a cigarette. This surprises me.
“Oh, hi,” she says.
Her eyes show me that she knows what I’ve been through.