So much makes sense now.
As a lone wolf I ran alone many times at full speed, but having someone to experience it with like this made it different.
The water deepens and we’re both swimming until he gestures to a set of rocks with his nose and climbs up. I follow.
He shifts first, and then I follow, and he’s got a wide smile on his face.
“Great run. Short one, but great.”
“Yeah,” I say, pushing my hair out of my eyes, then lean over to cup water to drink from the stream. I can’t quench my thirst so after giving it a second of thought, I shift halfway and lower my head.
I know that behind me he’s startled. I feel his stare on my back while I drink, able to get the water into my mouth faster with my larger mouth, my larger tongue.
I go back to man form completely and our gazes meet. He’s shocked.
“I’ve never seen that,” he says. “I’ve heard of it but never seen it.”
“Cornelius told me to never let anyone see it.”
I don’t know why I let Riley see it. Maybe because I feel like I should never have listened to a fucking word out of Uncle’s mouth.
“It’s at will. Just easy like that to stop the shift part way?”
“I guess it is. I push, but slow it down and stop it from finishing. It lasts a little bit of time. Unless I’m overcome with immense anger, which has happened a few times, then I can stay like that longer.”
“Your father could do it, too. My father told me about it. Does it happen when you lose it? It did to Uncle Tiberius.”
Memories try to rush to the surface, of the murders Uncle had me commit. I push them back.
“Yes. Sometimes. What’s going on with you?” I ask.
“Meaning?”
I need to deflect away from that other subject matter.
“Meaning you’re doing your best at a courtship here with me, and I want to know how that works in your head. You want to give up the power you have to me?”
I know what Greyson said, but I wanna hear what Riley thinks.
He shakes his head. “We’ve spent our lives, all of us in the pack, thinking we had a missing piece of us. And your lack of presence is just… felt. Maybe that’s how we should’ve known you weren’t dead. If you were, we would’ve either filled the gap or not missed it, maybe. But we did feel it. We discussed it often. Things weren’t right for us because you weren’t gone. You were out there without us. Needing us, too. And I feel something from you, letting me know you’re right for our team. Like I’ve gotten back a limb that I lost. Or, more like grown another sense that I didn’t have. We don’t expect you to jump in and be the person you would’ve been groomed to be all your life. You could be part of things and take your own pace. We have a collaboration here, not a hierarchy. You’re like a king but you’ve got a government in place, if that makes sense. You don’t have to delegate. It can be reverse of that. You step in when and where you’re comfortable while you learn our ways.”
I nod. It does make sense.
“Strength in numbers, Tyson. And for your mate and when you have children. Do you want your kids to grow up the way you did?”
I lean forward. “My kids will never face abuse like that.”
He rears back.
“I’ve got no idea what you endured.”
“That’s right. You don’t. But I know that even if I choose to live alone it doesn’t mean my children will want for anything.”
“Understood. I meant grow up alone. Did you miss not having a pack? Did your way of life feel natural to you?”
I stare into his eyes. And he has my answer because my eyes go completely unguarded. I bare it all to him without words.
And the returning look he gives me bares it all to me, too.
We understand one another.
He’s honest. He means what he says. He wants me to be part of the pack.
I’m lonely. My whole life has had missing pieces. I’ve never felt whole. The closest has been since Ivy. I’m hesitant to embrace this. I don’t know why. I do know that I don’t want to fail at this role they think I should fit into.
And Riley… the man has been strong for a long time and he’s barely holding it together. I see it. He hides it well but now that I’m looking, I do see it.
“What’s your story?” I ask.
He stares for a minute and then lets out an agitated huff. “Grey? Fuckin’ big mouth.”
I nod. “He told me I’m needed. That you haven’t taken the time to do what you need to do.”