“Is it over? Can we talk about the wedding, now?”
“Not exactly.” She sucked in a lungful of air and released it slowly. “I need to tell you something, and I hope you’ll understand.”
“What?” Her voice was filled with alarm. “Have you quit going to church?”
“No, Mom. God and I are still on speaking terms.”
“Then what is it?”
“It’s something I did five years ago.”
She let out a gasp. “You have a child? I have a grandchild?”
“No, no, no. Let me finish. I’m trying to tell you I changed my name.”
“What? You don’t use Laurie anymore? Do you go by Laura? Or maybe your middle name? I don’t care if you do. I think Malynn is a beautiful name. Or Laura, though I prefer Laurie, of course—”
“Listen! I didn’t change my first name. I changed my last name… I’m Laurie Fields, now.”
Silence.
“Mom?”
Her voice was small. “Why would you do that?”
“Because I didn’t want anything to do with Tyrone Shields. I figured if he didn’t want to claim me for twenty-two years, I didn’t want to claim him either. I didn’t want his money, and I sure didn’t want his name.”
More silence.
Then her mother spoke again. “That wasn’t him.”
“What are you talking about?”
“It wasn’t Tyrone who did that, it was me.”
“I don’t understand.”
“Your father… he wanted joint custody, but I didn’t want to share.” She started talking faster. “You were all I had, and I didn’t want to split my time with you. But we needed the money… so he agreed to pay child support without any visitation rights.”
Laurie tried to swallow, but her tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth. “I don’t—”
“Maybe it was wrong of me,” she prattled on, “but I couldn’t stand the thought of you being with him every other weekend, having his wife as your stepmother. I was afraid she’d be mean to you. I figured their son would always get treated better. So I asked your father to stay out of your life and keep you a secret.”
“But his wife knew.”
“Because he refused to lie to her. Said he’d hurt her enough already. But he agreed never to tell anyone outside the family that you were his daughter. He didn’t want to, but he did it. Mostly because his wife liked the idea. And the contract you saw… the one that said we couldn’t talk about it… that was my idea. I made him sign one like that.”
As the truth began to sink in, Laurie could barely breathe. Everything she thought about herself was based on a lie. She’d lived her whole life to prove she was worth something because she thought her father had rejected her. She’d fed and nurtured her anger and used it as motivation. What happened now that she knew the truth? Was she even who she thought she was?
“Why didn’t you tell me? You let me think he was ashamed of me all this time. How could you do that?”
“Because I was afraid,” she sobbed. “I was afraid if I told you the truth… you’d pick him over me.”
“You lied to me. All this time, you lied. And when I was trying so hard to accomplish things… hoping he would notice and change his mind… you let me believe he didn’t want me.”
“I know… I know it was wrong. But Ty had a wife and a son. I only had you.”
“I can’t talk to you right now.” Laurie’s stomach was queasy, and the room was spinning in slow circles. “This is too much… it’s too much.”