“I know it’s hard, Finn. But I don’t want to rock the boat when we have a routine that’s working.” She put a comforting hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry.”
“It’s okay,” he said, glumly.
Finn hadn’t told anyone at work about his doctor’s visit. As was his custom, he made an excuse for being away from the office. He hated mentioning his disease, because of the inevitable pitying expressions and futile questions that followed. How was he supposed to respond when someone asked him how he was feeling? The truth was no one really expected or wanted him to answer that question honestly. If he talked about it, he’d soon be feeling sorry for himself.
“You need to remind yourself how lucky you are to be alive and as healthy as you are,” she mumbled, flipping through the screens on the computer and peering at a bunch of numbers, presumably his lab reports.
“That’s what my mother always says,” he responded.
“Maybe it’s time you gave her a call and got a pep talk,” said Dr. Rheed, with a wry grin. “I can’t imagine you could be depressed after talking to that woman. She’s something else.”
“You remember meeting my mother?”
“Who could possibly forget her?” Dr. Rheed typed on the keyboard, even as she spoke. “I met her a few years ago when you were in the hospital. She’s like a living, breathing whirlpool. Everything and everybody in hearing distance is drawn to her. And no one gets away without a bone-crushing hug.”
“Wow.” He chuckled. “You described her to a tee. My father was there, too, but he stays in the background. He’s the total opposite—quiet and introverted—but he has a big heart.”
“It’s funny. Your accent is stronger when you’re talking about her.”
“That’s how powerful her personality is.”
“Where do they live?”
“My folks are in central Michigan. I usually fly up to see them fairly often, but I’ve been avoiding Mum lately. You see, I’m the only kid who isn’t married, so she’s been pressuring me to get a girlfriend. I’ve tried to reason with her, but she won’t listen. I wish you’d explain it to her.”
“Explain what?” Dr. Rheed looked up from the computer.
“Explain why I can’t get married and have kids.”
She typed something into the computer and closed it. “Why can’t you?”
“You know why,” he said, with a little more force than needed. “I only have a few years to live. And it’ll be bad at the end.”
With a heavy sigh, she shook her head. “You don’t know how long you’ll live. For someone with CF, you’re in excellent health right now.”
“Right now, I am. But that could change any moment. All it takes is one bad lung infection.”
“Finn, if you loved someone and she loved you back, she wouldn’t let that stop her. She’d want to be with you for however much time you have and make the most of it.”
Finn knew better. He’d only had one serious girlfriend, and that experience taught him all he needed to know. Frustrated that even the doctor was arguing with him, he pushed his point. “If I really loved a woman, I’d want what’s best for her. If she married me, she’d be stuck with a man who, sooner or later, is going to get really sick and die. Not to mention putting up with the inconvenience of hours of CF treatments every day. The coughing alone would be enough to drive most people crazy. How could that ever be what’s best for someone I love?”
“If she loves you, none of that stuff will bother her. You just need to find the right woman.”
“Where am I going to find this supernatural woman who wants to sign up for this life?” He swept his arm around the room. “And doesn’t care that she’ll never have children of her own?”
“Infertility isn’t a big deal these days. You could adopt or use artificial insemination. Anyway, you can’t decide whether it’s worth it for a woman to be with you or not. That’s her decision. Just give nature a chance to work.” She waved her hand in the air, as if wiping away his objections. “I really don’t understand you, Finn. None of my other CF patients are so fatalistic and self-denying.”
“I can only tell you what’s right for me.” He jutted his chin forward and crossed his ar
ms, daring her to disagree.
From her stiff-lipped expression, he suspected she had a lot more to say, but was holding back. He was glad. He was in no mood to be lectured.
“We’re finished for today,” she said. “You can get down.”
He wondered why Dr. Rheed couldn’t see the truth of his situation, when it was so obvious. She seemed to romanticize the reality of CF, just like his mother and sisters. Only his father took his side, saying he didn’t have to get married if he didn’t want to. But he’d only tell him so privately. “Now keep this between us. I don’t want to upset your mother.”
“You’re as bad as my mother,” Finn said to the doctor, while climbing off the exam table and buttoning his shirt. “I don’t see why I need anyone. I’m perfectly happy living alone.”