“Thanks for coming over and bringing food. I’ll see you tomorrow. After the week I’ve had, flying home should be no big deal.” She plastered what she hoped was a convincing smile on her face. “At least things will be back to normal.”
He came close and picked up her hand, lifting her poor, unsuspecting fingers to his treacherous lips. The barest kiss, brushed across her knuckles, somehow weakened her knees. Who knew they were connected?
“Is that really what you want? For me to go home now and for everything to be back the way it was?” His voice, low and penetrating, incised its way through her defensive walls. She couldn’t lie, even if she ought to.
“Not really,” she breathed. “But it needs to happen.”
“Let’s talk.”
His fingers interwove with hers, and she followed her captured hand to the couch. He situated them close together, with no space between his shorts-clad leg and hers. She hoped he didn’t notice the goosebumps covering her thighs.
At least she wasn’t thinking about Kindra anymore, though she knew her sister would return to haunt her dreams.
“What do you want to talk about?” She was proud her voice didn’t wobble.
“First, let’s talk about why you went to so much trouble to avoid me all afternoon.” His other hand moved to stroke her imprisoned forearm, creating telltale shivers. “I know you were really freaked out. It was scary on so many levels. Dax almost drowned. You could’ve died out there, too. And the whole thing brought back memories of your sister’s accident. So why not talk to me?”
“I needed to be alone.” She couldn’t stand the hurt in his expression. “You’ve been sweet to me, and a good listener, but I have to handle things on my own.”
“By stuffing it away inside you so you don’t bother anyone else with it?” His tone had an edge of irritation. “Because it seems like that’s what your parents made you do, though that’s not healthy. We depend on each other, and that’s okay.”
“I should be strong enough to be self-sufficient. I don’t want to burden other people.”
“In a healthy relationship, it’s okay to need someone.” His jaw hardened. “Steven gave me his marrow and paid for the procedure. Without him, I’d be dead. Does that make me a weak person?”
“No, but that’s different. The two of you are friends. It’s not a one-way thing. You’ve been helping him train for the Iron Man, and you keep him from getting overworked. I’ve seen how relaxed he is around you. You’re good for him.”
In the silence that followed, the air crackled with undefined tension.
“I have to ask you something, and I want you to search deep inside and tell me the truth.” Gary looked away, releasing her hand to curl his fingers into fists. “Are you in love with Steven?”
She almost laughed aloud, but the glower on his face told her his question was serious. “I have no intention of falling in love, ever again, but if I did, it wouldn’t be with Steven Gherring. I feed off his intensity. By the time I go home every day after work, I’m exhausted.”
“I agree the two of you aren’t a good match.” He seemed relieved, yet his scowl remained, fists loosening, only to grip his knees. “But why shouldn’t you let yourself fall in love? Joseph turned out to be a jerk, but he’s only one guy. You shouldn’t hold that against all of us.”
“You did the same thing.” Katie scooted away, giving herself a few much-needed inches of separation. “You judged every woman based on the reactions of two, who were weak and selfish.”
“That’s not quite true. After having leukemia, I simply learned to prioritize my life. I don’t know how much time I have left, so I like to make every minute count. It’s a waste of time pursuing women, because they all want long-term security.” He closed the gap between them, trapping her against the end of the couch. “But I thought you were different from the others… I thought you saw me as more than a risky investment.”
“I do, but it doesn’t matter.” She sat rigid, trying not to think about how her leg sizzled where it brushed against his. “You have the possibility of living a long, cancer-free life, but I’ll always have a screwed-up head. I’m the one who’s a risky investment.”
He leaned closer, somehow turning on a vacuum that sucked all the air from the room, and nuzzled her hair.
“I disagree.” His warm breath tickled her ear, sparks shooting down her neck. “For me, you’re at the top of the Fortune 500.”
She tried to laugh off his comment, but it came out as a moan. After clearing her throat, she tried again. “Very funny.”
“This time I’m not teasing. Ask me if it’s the truth.”
She could only shake her head, not ready to hear his answer. “I’m no good for you, Gary. You have a bucket list that scares me to death.”
“With you, it’s like my bucket list has started all over. Every tiny adventure you experience with me for the first time is a new number on my list. You’ve had such a sheltered life, I’ll never run out of things to live for.” As he bent his head downward, his lips brushed her earlobe, stopping her heart for several seconds. The words he murmured in her ear resounded inside her mind. “You, Katie Carson, are my bucket list.”
She didn’t know she was crying until his thumb brushed a tear from her face.
“I’m scared,” she whispered.
“Not surprising.” His mouth kicked up on one corner. “But you can do this. You’re the bravest person I know.”