“I figure that you’ll spend three to four nights at my place. This way you’re always there for our baby.” She smiles as if this is the most amazing plan ever. By the time she’s done talking, I’ve slouched in my chair and pulled my muffin apart.
“You know that won’t work, Jules.” I sit up and push my coffee out of my way. “I have a wife who expects me home every night and that is where I plan to be. I also expect my wife to be able to bond with the baby as well so when it’s my days and nights to have the baby, he or she will come over to my house and bond with Joey and me.”
Jules leans forward, squinting her eyes. “How many times have I told you that she is not allowed anywhere near my child?”
“Too many to count. How many times do you think I’ve given a shit about what you’ve said about her? None. You don’t get to set rules and unreasonable expectations on me, Jules. If this is my child, I will have shared custody and Joey will be in their life.”
“If?”
This the first time I’ve questioned whether or not the baby is mine. From the time she told me that she’s pregnant I’ve believed it’s my baby. I’ve let Joey plant doubt in my mind about me being the father.
“I want a paternity test, Jules.”
Her mouth drops open and she lets out a gasp. “You think I would lie to you?”
“Yes. I think your actions during and after the show speak volumes about your character. I also can’t recall the last time we slept together so that part is a little fuzzy.”
“It’s not safe for the baby, to do it during my pregnancy.”
I nod, not knowing if she’s telling the truth or not. “Well, I guess until then we have nothing to talk about.” I go to stand, but she clamps her hand down onto my wrist.
“Josh, I would never lie to you. I know the things I did were underhanded but I was heartbroken. It should be me wearing your ring, not her. I don’t believe you love her. Not like you love me.”
Sitting back down, I face her. She doesn’t let go of my hand and I don’t want to make a scene so I let it stay. “That is where you’re wrong, Jules. Joey … she’s everything that I never knew I was missing. From the moment I kissed her on stage, I knew I was in trouble. We have a magnetic pull and it’s constantly drawing me to her. I can’t be away from her.”
“You told Rob you were getting an annulment after the show.” Her voice breaks and her eyes well with tears.
“That was the plan, but there was no way. I fell in love with her before I could even stop it.”
“But you love me.”
“I may have thought I did, and at one time it was probably true, but I haven’t for a long time, Jules, and you know that. Things have never been the same since Bronx came into the picture. You chose to confide in him. You let him into our relationship. You did that. Not me. Joey isn’t coming between us because there’s nothing there. My heart, as much as I wanted to deny it, was open for her. I know this is hurting your feelings, but you need to realize that she’s not going anywhere. She’s not.”
With that I get up and leave her at the table. Over the years I’ve consoled her, been her shoulder to cry on and her doormat. All of that ends here. It ends now.
Once I’m outside, I text Joey to let her know I’m on my way home after I stop at Blaze. I love typing that sentence: on my way home. Even in the short time that we’ve owned the house, she’s made it ours. Her mom sent a slew of photos to us from the time we were there and Joey has framed and place them strategically around our house.
I know that she’s not thrilled about the baby, but I have to commend her—the other day when I came home she was in one of our spare bedrooms taping paint to the wall for the baby’s nursery. I realized in that moment I love her more and more each day. After I made love to her that night, I promised to give her a baby if that is what she wanted. I know she wants to be a mom, but now it’s all up to her.
It’s unrealistic to think that all of Josh’s movies can be filmed on a back lot or on location in Los Angeles, and if I could have one wish that would be it because having him home every night has been a blessing. His filming schedule is hanging from the refrigerator. He put it there so we could plan dinner, or when we can meet up for lunch.
In the last month, everything has changed. We’re domesticated and it feels odd, but it’s a welcoming feeling that I’m falling in love with him more and more each day. We bought another car and he hired a cleaning service to come in once a week after I told him I clean a room a day to keep on top of the house. The house is enormous and too big for the two of us, even the three of us when the baby arrives.
Jules is still adamant that I have nothing to do with the baby and her court ordered paternity test went unanswered. I told Josh not to pressure her. It’s her body and if she doesn’t want to stick a mile-long needle into her abdomen then that should be her choice, even though I’m having a lot of reservations that she’s even pregnant.
She shows up here randomly, takes shots at my character and expects me to wait on her. Her demands are never met, though, as Josh is always having to remind her of her place in our lives. But I’ve watched her when she’s here and she’s never rubbing her belly. Maybe it’s just me and the copious amounts of Lifetime movies I’ve watched, but I never see her touching her stomach or asking Josh to feel the baby kick. He’s even mentioned that at night when we’re lying there and his hand is resting on my abdomen. His thumb will move back and forth along my skin, reassuring me that he wants us to have a child. I do, too, but not now. Part of me questions if he’s only telling me this because of Jules. I want to ask him, but I don’t want to hurt his feelings. Besides, he has enough on his plate. Josh doesn’t need two screaming babies in the house with everything that is going on.
“What are you doing today?” Josh comes out of the closet, dressed in shorts and a tank top. My mouth waters at the sight of his biceps. There’s a massive tattoo covering his shoulder and disappearing under his shirt. It’s airbrushed for his movie, but that hasn’t stopped me from pretending it’s real. He’s also growing, or maintaining facial hair. I’ve never been a huge fan of beards, but on him it’s fucking sexy and I’m climbing him like a tree every night.
I close my eyes and count to ten, hoping to ward off the instant throbbing I feel for him.
“Going out with Rebekah.”
Since coming back to L.A., we’ve spent time with Bronx and Rebekah. They come over for dinner, we go to their place, or we go out. While Rebekah and I have grown closer, Josh and Bronx are still pissing on each other for dominance, but they’re at least cordial with each other.
Josh crawls onto the bed, hovering over me. He’s already been reprimanded for being late and since then the studio decided to start sending a car for him. They figured if there were someone waiting, he wouldn’t be late. They were wrong. My husband is insatiable.
“Where are you going?” He kisses my neck, tickling me with his beard.