Joey and I return to mingling with the guests and apparently now is the time for pictures. We pose with everyone and never alone. I refuse to remove my arm from her shoulder, even as my phone continues to vibrate in my back pocket. All day, Jules and Matt have been calling me and I’ve let them all go to voicemail and refuse to answer any of my text messages. Until I met Joey I was attached to that thing, but since her, since we got out of the house, she’s the only one I care about talking to. She’s the only one I need.
Leaving my parents was hard, but
coming back to Los Angeles is almost refreshing. As much as I love being home, the thought of making a new home with Josh is exciting. I’m ready for this new adventure.
He has one week before he begins filming his next movie, leaving us barely any time to find a place to live. Instead of going back to his apartment with Rob, we checked into a hotel where he proceeded to make me scream his name over and over again until even he couldn’t move. I was never this sexual with Tony and maybe that’s why he sought attention from someone else. With Josh, everything seems to click. We aren’t fumbling around and touching each other awkwardly. It’s natural and the responses we get from each other are automatic.
Today, we’re driving around, looking at everything from an apartment in a hotel, to houses and condos. Nothing has jumped out at us yet. The apartment and condos are nice because there isn’t any yard maintenance, but I want to feel my toes in the grass on a warm spring morning and plant some flowers. And I’m thinking of the future. There’s a baby coming and he or she will need a place to play, assuming Jules lets Josh parent in our home. Deep down I know it’s going to be a battle, and while he deserves equal custody, sometimes I wonder if Jules isn’t planning to make this extremely hard on him.
Before our reception ended, Bronx pulled me aside and spoke his mind again, telling me that he doesn’t think Josh is the father of Jules’ baby. I thought about bringing it up to Josh again, asking about the paternity test, but didn’t want to ruin our vacation. Now that we’re back in L.A., though, I’ll speak my mind more. This is my life that she’s messing with, too.
“This is the last house on the list,” Josh says, following our real estate agent through a gated community. The homes are all single-family with front yards, sidewalks, and charm.
“These houses look nice.”
“The one we’re seeing is brand new.”
I continue to look out the window at the people washing their cars; little kids riding bikes and jump roping.
“The house is fairly new, but it might be out of our price range.”
“What neighborhood is it in?”
“Beverly Hills. We’re on Mulholland Drive, you’ve heard of this road, right?”
I nod and continue to gaze out the window as we drive up the road. The higher we get, the better the view and the bigger the houses.
“Josh, these houses …” My breath catches when our relator comes to a stop in front of a single level gray home.
Josh comes around and helps me out of the car and we meet our agent halfway up the driveway. I notice the garage first; it’s mirrored glass reflecting back on us. I’ve never seen anything like it. The walkway is slate and leads to a frosted glass door. I hesitate before I walk in, already aware that I’m in love with the house and I haven’t even seen it, and knowing that Josh is already worried about the price because of the location.
“Oh my God,” I gasp as I step inside. Everything is white, gray, and black with the perfect accent of brown for hardwood floors. The agent drones on about the specifics of the house, but my eyes are focused on the glass walls which the agent is opening as we walk through. Josh takes my hand and leads me through the massive rooms, but I’m lost in a daze, imagining myself living here.
A small wall with a fireplace separates the living room and dining room, making it visible from both sides, and off the living room is the master bedroom. When we step into the master, the wall of windows slides open, revealing the same view from the other rooms.
“Holy shit,” I murmur, stepping out. The large patio and outside kitchen is nothing compared to the pool. Josh chuckles behind me before dragging me into the master bath, walk-in closet, and exercise room. “I’d never have to leave.”
“I’d be okay with that,” he whispers into my ear.
We look at the other two bedrooms, which have their own bathroom and a walk-in closet.
“This house is massive,” he says.
“This house is beautiful,” I counter, knowing it’s only a dream. We could never afford it.
The fourth bedroom is smaller, but still has its own private bathroom. I already start thinking about nursery decorations and a pang of jealousy hits me square in the chest. This isn’t my baby, but we’re looking at houses so that he or she can live with us, when I want to be looking because we’re having a baby and need the space. The rest of the house consists of an office, breakfast nook, and kitchen. The color scheme is carried throughout the house for complete flow.
Josh takes me outside to the terrace. “What do you think?” he asks, while holding me.
I shake my head. “I love it, but it’s too much.”
“Can you see yourself happy here?”
“I’m happy wherever you are, Josh. We’ve seen some great places today that are affordable, smaller. This is too much house for the three of us.” I smile, but it’s weak. I’m trying to include his child with Jules in our decision because as much as I want that part of my life to go away, it’s not happening anytime soon.
“What if there were four of us, or maybe five?”
I look at him questioningly. “What are you talking about?”