“You’re not what I thought you’d be,” she says as her lips graze my neck. What I am is losing my resolve not to spin her around and watch her come undone from my touch. Her body is the one drumbeat I can’t master, but I’ll never give up trying. I try not to overthink her statement. I’m not sure I want to know what it means, but leaving it unquestioned will only burn me later.
“Meaning?” I ask as I feed her a strawberry.
Katelyn shrugs. “Everything I thought about you was wrong. I had a list a mile long of reasons why we wouldn’t work. First with your tattoos, I assumed the worst. Then there was the woman at the bar when we were in Florida. When I saw that happen, I thought there was no way I’d be able to trust someone like you and wondered how Josie was doing it. I was so standoffish, and yet you come over twice a week to mow my lawn, even though I never asked you to. I kept saying we couldn’t be together and now that we are, I can’t find a reason for us not to be. If anything, you should hate me for being a bitch to you.
“Here we are, at your gorgeous place that you left to live in Beaumont, and I can’t understand why. You’re feeding me, and that is definitely something I never expected from you. Hell, it’s never even happened to me before. And this afternoon, the way you made love to me…” Katelyn sighs and shakes her head. She leans forward and covers her eyes, hiding from me. I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do here. Everything I’ve been doing so far, I’ve done because it felt natural, but right now, I don’t know if I’m supposed to reach out and touch her or leave her to sort through her thoughts. Right now, I’m lost and confused. Earlier, things seemed fine, but that’s definitely not the case at this moment.
My throat is tight. I clear it a few times, but am unable to find my voice. I’m afraid to move. What if this is not what she wants? I sit like a statue and fight the pressure in my chest. I can’t take anymore.
“I don’t…” I have to clear my throat again. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to say here, Katelyn.”
She shakes her head again and stands. My shirt is long enough to over her ass, but I know she’s not wearing anything underneath. She turns and takes two steps forward before falling to her knees in front of me. I’m afraid to touch her, even though I’m burning to pull her to me.
“Why do you hide from me?”
I look at her questioningly. “What’re you talking about?”
“Is this the real Harrison James sitting in front of me?”
Well, isn’t that a loaded question with many possible answers? “What do you want to know?”
“Where are your parents?”
I run my hand through my hair and sigh. I look down the beach and smile. “My mom lives about ten minutes away. I told you earlier that my sister is in New York and my dad – he died when I was four. He was a police officer and was shot in the line of duty by a gang member.”
“Harrison,” she says my name so quietly, but full of sorrow. Katelyn cups my face, her fingers dancing along my jaw, playing with my scruff.
“It was a long time ago, Katelyn.”
“But you were so young.” This I was, and I suffered dearly for not having a father figure around and a mom that had to work two jobs to make ends meet. I love my mom more than anything. She had to be not only a mother, but a father, and she tried so hard to make mine and Yve’s life the best she could. I need to change the subject before I tell her the horrors of my childhood that will surely send her running for the hills.
“What about you? How was life as an only child?”
Katelyn shrugs and plays with the hair at the nape of my neck. “I had Josie, so it was like having a sister.”
“When did you and Mason start dating?”
Katelyn pulls back a little and looks at me. Her head moves from side to side. She pulls her lip in between her teeth. I reach out and pull it out with my thumb and place a kiss where she was biting it.
“You don’t have to answer.”
“It’s not that. Do you really want to know?”
I take this opportunity to pull her into my arms. “He’s a part of your life and he’s part of the girls’ life. I’ll never ask you not to talk about him when I’m around. I’ll never ask you to stop loving him. If he was here, I’d hate him.” I shake my head because that’s not true. “No, I probably wouldn’t know you if he was here, and for that I’m both thankful and remorseful because his girls are the best, most beautiful girls that I’ve ever encountered, and I want to do right by not only them, but him too.”
Tears begin to roll down her face. I wipe them away before she has a chance to. She stares at me with wet eyes that are breaking my heart. I didn’t mean to make her cry, but it’s the only way I can get across with how I feel.
“We started dating the summer after freshman year. He was so popular and cute. My mother said he only wanted me for my swimming pool, but that wasn’t the case. We all grew up that summer.”
“Liam told me a lot about him. Sometimes I feel like I know him, especially when I’m with you and the girls.”
Katelyn smiles and curls up in my arms. “Everyone loved him. He was the high school football star who returned to coach the team. He was supposed to go to school with Liam, but changed his mind and gave up a scholarship to the University of Texas to go to the state school with me. I wonder now, had he gone with Liam, if things would be different.”
“Like how?”
“I don’t know. Would they be in the NFL doing what they loved? Would I be one of those wives you see on television, bitching about her husband or involved in some marital scandal? Nothing went according to plan once we graduated high school.”
“And now, you’re involved with someone who doesn’t fit your norm, sitting on the beach in my dress shirt and about to attend your first red carpet event.”