The words of the song are touching, about how his heart trumped his mind and that he should’ve known better. I move to the beat of the song, swaying back and forth as I watch Harrison pound on the drums. I can’t tell if he’s looking out to the crowd or not. I wish he would, even just for a moment. Maybe I’d wave and he’d smile. Liam sings about love being a sure thing and I wish things were that simple.
Moving on should be simple. Picking up the pieces and opening a new door to my life should be easy. So why isn’t it? Why am I second-guessing everything? I sit down and grab another beer. I need to drown my sorrows or at least keep the voices out of my head. I can’t love another man. I just can’t.
For each song the guys play, I drink at least two beers. Too much talk about broken hearts, love, sex and life. Ralph refills the bucket and Josie eyes me. I shouldn’t have come. Listening to them sing is far different from being backstage and working for them. I should be working – that’s what I should be doing – not sitting here feeling sorry for myself.
The guys play a few more songs before taking a break. The crowd disperses. I look on as the chick from earlier paws all over Jimmy. He loves it though, so I guess until he finds the right one, he’ll test them all. Men!
Josie sits down next to me, her face red and sweaty from dancing. She pulls out a beer and holds it against her head. I lean into her, my head resting on her shoulder.
“I love you.” My voice is probably too low for her to hear me.
“Are you drunk?”
/> I look at the bottle caps lined up and nod.
“You’re lucky, you know that.”
“I know, but why do you think so?” she asks as she pops the top and takes a drink.
“He writes songs about you. That new one… I don’t know, it made me think.”
“Are you talking about the first song they played?”
I lift my head a bit too fast. The room spins. Josie nudges my shoulder. When I look at her she’s grinning from ear to ear.
“Liam didn’t write that song,” she says, laughing. “Harrison did.”
“Why would he write a song like that?” I ask confused.
Josie raises her bottle to her lips and drinks. “That boy has a crush.”
“He does? On who?” My heart aches a little knowing he’s found someone. I know I kept blowing him off, but I didn’t expect him to give up so soon and move on.
“Katelyn, are you serious?”
“Yes,” I push out of my thick tongue. I don’t want to cry but my feelings are hurt.
Before Josie can answer me, the guys are sitting at our table. Well, Liam and Harrison are.
“Aren’t you going to play some more?”
“No, short set tonight,” Liam says before he pulls Josie close to him. She says something to him. He eyes me and Harrison and starts laughing. That’s my cue. I’m not going to watch them act like this and I’m sure Harrison wants to hang out with his new girlfriend.
“Well I’m outta here,” I say, pushing my chair back.
“She’s drunk,” Josie blurts out. I roll my eyes and pull out my phone. Harrison leans back, eyeing me up and down.
“I’ll call a cab.” I shake my phone in front of them.
“Why are you leaving?” Liam asks. “It’s still early.”
I wave my hand at him. “Harrison doesn’t want me here.”
Harrison looks up, his eyes sharp. “What the fuck are you talking about?”
I shrug and take the last sip of my beer, emptying the bottle. I wave and turn away from them, taking cautious steps toward the door. When I’m outside, I lean up against the wall, letting the cold night wash over me. I’m so stupid to think someone like Harrison would be interested in me. I may be drunk, but I remember the dinner we shared not so long ago. It was nice being there with him and the kids. No expectations, just friends. Just when I think I can take that step to be more to him, he finds someone else.
I roughly wipe tears away from my cheeks and push off the wall. I need to walk. I need to calm down and sober up before going home. This is the second time I’ve gotten drunk because of him and my stupid feelings. I can’t do it anymore.