Sam huffs. “Fine. Anything else?”
“Just the hotel.” I hang up and pay my tab. After one sip of the whiskey, my stomach is turning. The early morning sun is blinding when I step out of the bar. I slip my helmet on and straddle my bike. I need to get away before my mind explodes. I kick start my bike and let the engine roar before taking off toward Harrison’s. His apartment is the most peaceful place I know.
I don’t knock when I get there. The sliding glass doors are open and the wind is blowing through the curtains wildly. This place was made for a woman and whomever he settles down with will be in love with this condo. I walk through his place and step outside and into the sand. Harrison and Quinn are surfing and are the only ones on the beach. Solitude, that’s what he has out here. Solitude and happiness. He’s a changed man since Quinn came into his life.
As soon as I’m a close enough, Quinn ditches his surfboard and runs to me, wrapping his wet arms around my waist. “Uncle Liam, did you come to surf?”
“Nah, buddy,” I say, ruffling his hair. “Just came to see what my favorite boy is doing.”
“Just hanging with my dad.”
Harrison has done an amazing job raising Quinn on his own. I know his mom and sister helped, but he’s done most of it. Quinn tours with us and for a kid who doesn’t have a set routine, he’s pretty damn smart and well grounded.
“What’s up?”
I shake my head. “I gotta leave town for a few days, but I’ll be back by Monday.”
“Everything cool?”
I nod. “Yeah.” That’s all I can say. I don’t know if it is. I don’t know what it will be like when I get to Beaumont. In and out, just long enough to pay my respects. Me being there won’t do anyone any good and I’ll just be a disruption. As far as I know he wouldn’t want me there anyway and I don’t want to ruin the day for him.
“When are you leaving?”
“Tomorrow.”
Harrison nods and picks up his and Quinn’s board and we walk back to his place. I sit down in the sand and watch the tide roll. It’s a great day for surfing, but most people are at work. Quinn sits down next to me and buries his toes in the sand.
“You look sad.”
I hang my head. “Maybe I am. I don’t know, Quinn.”
“Do you know what grandma does when I’m sad?”
“What does she do?” I ask, knowing he’s about to tickle me.
He jumps and starts moving his little fingers all around my body. I laugh and pull him into my arms and hold him. I remember the first time I held him. He was just days old and Mrs. James put him in my arms because I asked her to. I loved every minute of it. He gave me a new perspective on life. I thought I was going to break him, but in hindsight he’s really the glue that has kept us together. I never wanted Harrison to fail so I worked my ass off to make sure we were the best. Unlike me, he had someone in his life that needed him and I wasn’t going to let this little boy down.
I told Harrison I was going home, but I made it as far as the bar. I need something to shut my brain off. I need a numbing agent to keep me from picturing what my life could’ve been like had I stayed. Sitting at the bar, I can’t help but wonder if I would’ve eventually made it to the NFL. What if I had taken my dad up on his offer to help me switch schools and gone to play for someone who wanted me? Would I be married with kids and a house with a white picket fence? That’s the one thing I’ll never know, because at the time I couldn’t handle what life was giving me. I needed something different.
I down the whiskey and signal for another one. There are women on both sides of me and it’s just a matter of time before one of them makes their move. This is my hangout, everyone knows it and I’ve taken plenty of women home from here. I’d like to think tonight will be different since I’m leaving in the morning, but I doubt it. They want the same thing I want, but for different reasons.
The woman to my right has a large ass rock on her ring finger. She’s out of the running. Having some other man’s property, possession, wife, is not my style. She needs counseling if she’s here trying to hook up with me. Or it’s a trap. Get yourself knocked up by a celebrity so you can collect child-support for the next eighteen years. No thanks, go find some other unsuspecting bastard. That’s not me. I’m never having kids. If I’m feeling the urge to be a father figure, I’ll borrow Quinn.
Each sip I take brings back another memory from Beaumont. I’m here to cloud my memory, yet everything is vivid – like I’m watching a real life movie. Now that I’ve committed to going back, even to say goodbye, the floodgates are open. I’ve done everything I can to forget where I came from, not because I’m ashamed, because it was easier to block out what I was missing. I never thought I’d be here, like this, away from the ones I loved. My family.
I know everything is my fault. I could’ve picked up the phone when she called. I could’ve called her back. But I didn’t. I had something to prove and by the time I had the success I was looking for, it was too late.
I swallow my final drink. It’s late. I need some sleep. The woman on my right left long ago, but the one on my left has been biding her time. So why not? Why not live up to my reputation one more time?
“Want to get out of here?” I ask, not really waiting for her answer. I grab her hand and pull her behind me. The night air is muggy as we walk to my penthouse. She’s trying to keep up in her heels as I drag her. I could stop, but that would ruin my mood.
I’m on her once we’re in the elevator. She’s eager and willing.
“Don’t you want to know my name?” she says, out of breath.
“Nope.” I push her down the hall once the elevator opens. I slide my keycard in and push my door open. I strip myself, not willing to wait for her to get around to it. This is sex and nothing else.
We fall onto my bed and I make the mistake of looking at her. She thinks she’s got me where she wants me. “You’re afraid,” she whispers against my lips. In this moment I should get up and escort her back downstairs, but that’s not my frame of mind. She’s right, I am afraid. I’m afraid of dying alone and tomorrow I’m going home to stand in the shadows while my once best friend is buried. He’ll have people there to mourn him. People are going to grieve for him. No one would care if I died.