I look at Josie and smile, knowing it’s not legit. If I can’t have a night without pressure about my future at least I can have my girl in my arms.
Chapter 15
I wish I could say the past month has been stress free, but the truth of the matter is, it hasn’t. Sterling is on my case every day about school. If it’s not Auburn, it’s another SEC school that’s willing to bend the rules while they discuss business on the golf course. I thought that after winning the state title and Mason getting his record, things would cool down for a bit. But they haven’t. If anything, they’ve gotten worse. The expectations are there, even if people aren’t intending them to be. Just one day, I want to go to school and not be asked where I’m going to play football. If they’re not careful I’m going to tell them nowhere and become a hobo.
As soon as the day is over, it’s Christmas break and I plan to spend most of it with my girl. My parents left this morning for a cruise, one I conveniently forgot about and acted all distraught about being home by myself for three weeks. Of course, Sterling took those pretend moments to remind me of my looming decision and how wise it would be to have it done by the time he returned. His words went through one ear and out the other while I was counting off how many hours of freedom I’d have.
This morning, after they left, I played my guitar and I played it loudly. I sang at the top of my lungs because no one was home and no one was going to barge in on me and tell me that I’m wrong for wanting to play. Freedom. That’s what I had this morning and I loved it.
As soon as the bell rings, I’m up and out the door making my way down the hall. There are parties being planned, get togethers arranged, all places Josie and I will end up, but not tonight. Tonight we’re going to celebrate our own Christmas, in my house. This will be the first time Josie’s been over in years. I’ve kept her away for obvious reasons, but tonight and any night thereafter that she’s allowed to come over while my parents are away, she’ll be with me.
With her hand in mine we walk to my truck. She doesn’t have a clue about my plans. She just knows that I’m bringing her to my house. I can tell she’s apprehensive, nervous. I don’t blame her. It’s usually how I feel when I’m at home.
“Are you sure we won’t get into trouble?” She whispers, clearly afraid that someone might hear her. I hate that she feels like this. I just shake my head as I pull her through the garage and into the house. I grab two bottles of water from the refrigerator before taking her by the hand and leading her upstairs to my room.
“Hold these,” I say, stopping in front of my door. I pull the silk scarf she’s wearing and come up behind her. Her neck is exposed, vulnerable and taking my attention away from the task at hand. I have to touch her, my lips burn when they touch her skin. I’m going to take a risk, live on the edge so when I feel her breathing pause as I tie her scarf over her eyes, I get excited knowing that she’s welcoming my attempts.
“What are you doing?” she asks, still keeping her voice low.
“Trust me,” I say against the back of her neck. I hold her hips in my hands, my fingers under her shirt, with her pressed against me. Her body sags against mine, ready for whatever I’m going to do to her. I open my door and guide her into my room. She jumps when my door slams shut. Even though my parents aren’t home, I’m not taking any chances on someone walking in. I plan to have her naked and saying my name over and over again until the sun comes up. That thought alone increases my breathing. I want to take her now, but I have a plan. One that I’ve worked incredibly hard on since I found out the ‘rents were leaving the country.
I reluctantly leave her standing in the middle of my room and take the bottles of water from her, dropping them to the floor. I pull her forward, she stumbles, but I catch her. I’ll always catch her when she falls.
“I’ll never let you fall, Jojo.”
The back of my hand caresses her cheek causing her to blush. I love that her other senses are heightened right now. “I love it when you blush.” I don’t give her time to respond before I put my lips to hers. My plan is going out the window and fast. My tongue begs for hers and when they meet the combustion is almost too much for me to handle. I pull the scarf from her eyes. I need to see her. “Merry Christmas, my girl,” I say as I pick her up and lay her on my bed. Josie reaches for me, but I shake my head.
I sit back on my knees and look around my room, proud of myself. I motion toward the tree that is twinkling with white lights and color ornaments. “Which do you want to open first?
“You,” she says, pulling me down on top of her. Her hands fist at my shirt, pulling it over my head. Her nails dig into my back as I grind against her. “I want you all of you, Liam.”
“You can have me, but I have something for you first.” I pull away reluctantly and eye my girl lying on my bed. It’s a sight to behold that’s for sure and it’s making it hard to concentrate on anything other than the raging hard on in my pants. I kiss her once and fight her attempt to pull me down on top of her. I smile, winking as I move away from her.
My heart is racing as I reach for my guitar. I chance a look at Josie, who sits up when she sees me sit down with it resting on my leg. She looks at me questioningly with her eyebrow raised. She’s not expecting this. I close my eyes and hope she likes what I’m about to do.
I strum the strings and let the melody fill the room. I can’t look at her while I’m doing this. Call it stage fright or whatever, but I need to hear the acceptance in her voice and not see her expression.
I know my voice isn’t that great, it probably sucks and I’m likely tone deaf, but I sing for her and from my heart. I belt out the lyrics I’ve spent months on. They’re meant to tell her how much I love her and what she means to me. But now that she’s in my room, I think they sound like shit and they’re not telling her exactly
how I feel.
I stop and switch songs to something she’ll know. I’ve learned a few riffs of Never Say Goodbye, but I don’t sing. I can’t. I’ve lost my nerve. I set my guitar down and take a deep breath before looking at her.
Her blue eyes are staring not at me, but my guitar. Her mouth is slightly open. I rub my hands down the front of my jeans before getting up and putting my guitar away in my closet where my secret should probably stay.
“Um… Merry Christmas,” I say as I sit on the edge of my bed, close enough to touch her. She looks up at me and smiles, but it doesn’t reach her eyes. She doesn’t have to tell me she didn’t like it because I can see it written all over her face.
“That was for me?”
I nod and pick at a piece of lint on my comforter.
“Wow that was… when did you learn to do that?”
I shrug and clear my tightening throat. I so needed her to accept this… this part of me. “I’ve been teaching myself. I wrote… never mind.”
Josie laughs lightly. “Sterling must love that.”
She’s right, I made a mistake. I should’ve told her when I bought the guitar what I was doing. I’ve surprised her and like everything else in my life, she’s worried about what Sterling is going to think.