As soon as she’s out the door, I start walking toward the playground. This has been our date location since the first night. I know Aubrey owes me dinner, but we have more important things to discuss tonight.
We sit in our respective swings, swaying back and forth. The air between us is thick and that is exactly why I didn’t want to kiss her at work today. I don’t want there to be any awkwardness between us and now there is.
“Josie, that’s my ex, I asked her to marry me something obnoxious like six times. Each time she’d say no until the last time I proposed. The only reason she said yes is because our friend had just died in a car accident. I was in the hospital when he was brought in. I was called into the emergency room to see a little girl who was having trouble breathing. When I finished with her, I saw Josie’s best friend in the waiting room. I held her until they let her go in and say goodbye to her husband and then I drove her home.
“When I got home, Josie wasn’t there, but our son – her son – he was asleep so I couldn’t understand why she wasn’t home and then I realized that she would’ve gone to Katelyn’s to take care of their twins. Mason and Katelyn have the cutest girls. I’ve been their doctor since they were born. I waited until Josie came home, sitting in the dark living room, watching as car after car shone lights into the window.
“She walked in, her tear-streaked face showing me just how desperate she was for affection. She just lost her best friend and didn’t get to say goodbye. I held her all night. We cried together and talked about ways we needed to help Katelyn.
“When the sun rose hours later, I got down on my knee, with tears in both of our eyes and told her that I can’t live like this anymore, that I want to call her my wife and told that life is too short not to make decisions. I asked her again and for the first time in six years she didn’t hesitate.
“The only problem with my proposal is that we couldn’t celebrate. We couldn’t tell anyone that we were finally getting married because our happiness didn’t even compare to the pain we were feeling with losing Mason.
“Funeral preparations had to take place. Lives had to change. We needed to go through our daily and weekly routines minus one person. Nothing was right.”
I get up and lean against the post so I can see her. “When Mason died I knew things were going to be different, but I didn’t expect for my soon-to-be wife to fall out of love with me so quickly. Her ex rolled in like he hadn’t been gone for ten years. I stupidly thought that she’d remember the pain he caused her and she’d stay far away, but they have a son and he wanted to be a part of their son’s life. Not that I could blame him; Noah’s an amazing kid, but that left me on the outside. As much as Josie reassured me that everything was okay, it wasn’t. It didn’t take long before my feelings didn’t matter and the sad thing is I knew it was going to happen so I should’ve prepared myself, but I didn’t. I held out hope.”
I sigh and stuff my hands in my pockets. “The reason I’m telling you this is because sometimes I feel broken, like I’ve lost my path. The night before I left, I told her we were moving out here and she refused to come with me. I knew she was going to, but it was my last-ditch attempt. I left that night and never said goodbye to Noah, and for that I regret my decision to leave the way I did. I live with that now and am struggling to find a way to make amends. I owe it to him and myself. He needs to know that he didn’t do anything wrong and that it was okay for him to choose his dad. But I’m also telling you this because I’m looking for the whole package. I want a wife and a family sooner rather than later and I know you have your whole life ahead of you and probably don’t want kids for a while, but it wouldn’t be fair to either of us to start a relationship when we have different goals in life.”
Aubrey stands and I prepare myself to watch her walk away. She surprises me when she steps closer, her expression unreadable in the dark. I tense when I feel her hands on my waist, fisting the sides of my shirt.
“Why don’t you ask me what I want instead of assuming?”
Touché. I look down at her and smile. “What do you want, Aubrey?”
“You,” she whispers.
I shake my head. Didn’t she hear a single thing I just said? “I don’t do casual.”
“Me neither. I was raised with traditional core values. When I kissed you back there it was out of emotion from what I just witnessed. When she didn’t want to push, I thought for sure we were going to lose the baby. I watched you in there today. You were so calm and self-assured. I was so impressed with how you handled everything. I couldn’t help myself when I found you hunched over the sink. I needed to touch you. I needed the peace I feel when you’re near me.”
I take a deep breath. I’m not trying to push her away. I’m just not looking for anything temporary. “I’m leaving soon. I’m only here for a year.”
“I’m a volunteer with my parent’s missionary, Nick. I can come and go as I please. I don’t have to put in a year or even a month. If I want to go to another hospital tomorrow I can.”
I run my hand through my hair. She makes everything so tempting, but I don’t know if that’s enough. “What are you saying?”
She steps closer, her chest pressing against mine. I wish it was light enough so I can see her face. See her expression. Her lips graze just below my chin. I can’t help but smile, she can’t reach me unless I bend over.
Aubrey wraps her arms around me, resting her head on my chest. I do the same, resting my head on top of hers, and look out into the darkness. I wish life could be simple.
“When I first started here I wasn’t sure I was going to stay. I had told my parents that I wanted to explore each village and find the best one for me. My mom expected me to return to South Africa and go to college for fashion design or something stupid like that. She was always saying I’d decorate before I healed. I had to prove her wrong.
“The morning you walked in, I forgot to breathe. I choked on my own tongue. It’s not because you’re gorgeous and strikingly handsome, which in case you have any doubt, you absolutely are; it’s because of the way you carried yourself. You walked in like you were the leader and there to make a change. I was this new nurse and watched the others fawn all over you and you didn’t even recognize the attention you were getting.
“I thought ‘wow, his wife is one lucky woman’ only to find out that you weren’t married. My hopes soared, but you wouldn’t talk to me. You were – still are – water cooler talk. The nurses, they adore you, and here I am in your arms trying to find a way to keep you. I don’t know if I believe in fate or fairytales, but the moment you walked into the clinic on my first day, I knew I was in trouble.
“I want to try, if you do. You make all the ugly in this world seem just a bit better when I close my eyes at night and I’d be a fool to let you walk away because you don’t do casual.”
I take in her words. They hit me square in the heart. But there is one question I need to know. I lean down and whisper, “Would you come back to the States with me?” I feel her reaction before she says the words. She starts nodding.
“We were destined to meet, Nick. I have no doubt in my mind you were meant for me. If you want me to move back to the States with you, I’d gladly walk by your side into your next adventure.”
I don’t wait another minute. I capture her lips with mine. In my heart, I know she’s speaking the truth. I can feel it. The loss is immediate when she pulls away.
“Where are you going?”
She holds my hands, extending our arms out wide. “Have you ever done anything spontaneous?”