“I’m sure she does, you’re her daddy.” My mum sighs. “I can’t believe you’re going to be a father, Jimmy.”
“I know, mum, but this is a good thing. I love Jenna. She’s makes me a better person and I really can’t see myself without her, even if we weren’t having a baby. I was always trying to find ways to talk to her and be around her.”
“And what about how you felt about Chelsea?”
I close my eyes and my nightmare flashes before me. It’s not so much that I’m reliving that day, but more the ending, seeing Jenna with blood on her face that freaks me out. I know her ex is out there, lurking. I can feel it, but I’m afraid to say anything to her. I don’t want to put the fear of God in her if he’s not around. But my instincts are telling me he’s not done yet. He’ll be back.
“Chelsea was a distraction. I never saw myself having kids, more like living this rock star lifestyle. I saw her more like a trophy wife. I knew that she’d be the wife that spends all day at the spa getting pampered and making sure she looked perfect.”
“Are you saying Jenna’s not like that?”
I rub my hand over my face and through my hair. It’s due for a cut so I can make my Mohawk stand up again or maybe I’ll surprise her and get it done before I see her. Maybe I can talk Jenna into cutting my hair when she’s here. I knew my comments about Chelsea would be taken out of context, but I also know my mum won’t repeat what I’ve told her.
“It’s not like that mum. When I look at Jenna, I see a future with her. I see home and warmth. Jenna’s nothing like Chelsea. She doesn’t care about the fame and fortune. She just wants to be loved and I want to love her until she tells me that I’m not worthy of her.”
“Oh, Jimmy, I don’t think she’ll do that.”
I hope not, I want to say.
“I really miss her. I rang her before I rang you and woke her up. I need to see her so she’s going to fly out and come and see me tomorrow. I’m not going to be able to last three more months without being with her and holding her. God, mum, I need to touch her tummy and talk to Little One so she knows I haven’t abandoned her.” My voice breaks. I bite my lip to keep my emotions in check.
“Jimmy, you’re not your father. I brought you up to be better than him.”
“I know.”
“Just love her and I’m sure she’ll love you back. I know that I can’t wait to meet her and hold my granddaughter.”
“Little One is going to be beautiful. I’m hoping she has red hair like Jenna.”
&nbs
p; “She’ll be beautiful. You’re going to have a beautiful family and you should be proud of that.”
“I am.”
As soon as I hang up, I start counting the minutes until Jenna’s here. I don’t know if it’s safe for pregnant women to fly, but I think she’d tell me if it wasn’t. If she can’t come here, I’ll just fly to her. Not seeing her isn’t going to work for me.
I feel like I’m being watched… or followed, which is the stupidest thing ever, since I’m walking in a crowded airport with hundreds, maybe even thousands of people. But I can’t help but feel eyes boring into the back of my head. If I stop and look around, eyes follow me, no doubt wondering what would possess the pregnant woman to suddenly stop in the middle of the walkway and look behind her repeatedly.
Everyone rushes by, shoulders bumping into mine as they pass. A few people grunt and even give me a dirty look, but I know someone is there… here, watching me. My body can feel eyes roaming all over it and it makes the hair on the back of my neck stand on end. I turn back and walk toward the exit. Jimmy will be waiting. I just need to get there. My pace quickens, short of a full on jog. Anxiety increases, my skin – it itches as if a spider is crawling on it. As soon as I see the doors, I’m running. I look back in time to see someone – a man – turn quickly. He’s wearing a dark hat that covers his face and a non-descript trench coat.
I turn back to the door and step out. Freedom. Peace. Jimmy is standing against a black car with dark tinted windows, much like you see on television. I’m freaking Cinderella right now and my Prince is staring at me. Gawking, really. His legs are crossed at his ankles. His left hand in his pocket. In his right, he holds a sign – Sweet Lips – is written in big red letters. I stand back and take in everything about him. I appraise him. Memorize him. My teeth find my lower lip as he shakes his head and smiles. He knows I’m checking him out. His hair stands on his head, the sides shaved. His Mohawk is back, thank God. He laughs and looks down at the ground before looking back at me with those eyes… the eyes that say you know you want me, and he’s right I do. Being pregnant has its perks sexually. I want it, him, all the time. He’s making me insatiable. He’s teaching me to enjoy what he can do to my body.
My mind tells my body to move forward, even though my eyes want me to stand here and watch him. His hand comes out of his pocket and he dangles a necklace from his fingers. It sways back and forth until I hold out my hand to stop it. A diamond locket rests in my hand. He slides it away from me, only to reach around my neck and clasp it. His hands linger at the back of my neck, his fingers pushing into my hair. I knew I loved this man, but this… this hammers it home.
“I’ve missed you, wifey,” he says as his lips graze mine. It’s not enough, but we’re in public and he has an image to keep up.
“I’ve missed you too.”
Jimmy places his lips to mine, but pulls away too quickly. “Hey.”
He chuckles, placing his hand on our daughter. “Let’s go.” He pulls my hand into his and opens the car door, allowing me to slide in before him. Once he’s in and the car is in traffic, his hands are all over me.
“I fucking need you,” he says as his teeth nip into my skin. I never thought about how much alone time we’d get while I’m here. The guys travel by bus and since none of the families are with them they haven’t been staying in hotels this time around.
Jimmy rests his head on my shoulder. I snuggle into him, afraid to let go. I close my eyes and lean into him. He can make all my demons go away. I haven’t seen or heard from Damien since that day in Whimsicality. Is it too much to hope that something has happened to him and I’ll never see him again?
“When did you cut your hair?”