He steps forward and places his left hand on my hip. “I’m sorry for the way I asked. Deep down, I knew you didn’t, or I wouldn’t have punched him the first place but his words — telling me that you’re not worth it — they kept playing over and over in my head and I had to ask.”
“I’m not worth it?” I repeat the damaging words into the night air.
“You’re worth it to me,” he says as his lips finally come crashing down on my mine. There’s nothing sweet and sensual about this first kiss. It’s angry, frantic, and tantalizing. My hands are on his shoulders, and then one is cupping his check, keeping him close to me because there’s no way I’m letting him go. My other hand moves under his shirt, eager to feel the warmth of his skin against my chilled hand. My fingers skim the top of his pants and he smiles against my lips.
The moment he pulls away, I reach for him, trying to keep this make out session going. He cups my cheeks and looks deep into my eyes. “Seriously, may I come in?”
I nod and start to turn, but he holds me there.
“Bellamy,” he says my name softly. I take his hand from my cheek and intertwine his fingers with mine. After he steps through the doorway, I shut and bolt the front door. With renewed confidence brought on by his kiss, I pull him behind me down the hall and into my bedroom, where I twist the tiny lever, locking us in from the outside world.
“Are you sure?” he asks as I start to undress.
I’ve never been surer of anything before. I know he’s leaving and that’s going to break my heart, but right now, I don’t care because I want to be with the man standing in front of me.
Hawk and I lay in bed with my head resting on his chest. Every so often, I hug him tighter, keeping him as close to my body as I can but it’s really an excuse to run my hand over his sexy abs. Sure, I’ve seen ads like the Calvin Klein ones, with these men and their insane abdominal muscles but I have never experienced them in real life. My former husband was fit, but not like Hawk.
His fingers draw lazily along my forearm. It tickles, but I don’t mind. I’m happy and content right here with him . . .sated, exhausted, and ready to be with him again because once will never be enough.
“I should’ve never gone over to Brett’s.” His arm squeezes me closer and I snuggle deeper into him.
“I always play the ‘what if’ game. What if I didn’t move back to Montana? What if Greg didn’t cheat? What if I didn’t hire Priscilla to work for us?” Hawk and I adjust so we’re facing each other. I pull the sheet up to cover myself but he hooks his finger over the top and pulls the fabric down to expose my breasts.
“You’re beautiful.”
“You’re just saying that because we had sex. It’s like the obligatory response or something.”
He frowns. “I say it because it’s true. I’m insanely attracted to you and have been since the morning we met. That night, when we were at the pizza parlor, all I could think about was kissing you, not to mention every day since.”
“Why did you wait so long?”
He cups my cheek and pulls me close until our lips meet. “Out of fear.”
“Of what?” I whisper.
“Of hurting you when I leave. Of hurting Chase.”
I don’t know what to say, so I remain quiet. We lay there, staring at each other, with me wishing things could be different, but also thankful that they’re not. I love that he’s a baseball player, that he’s here doing what’s right for our community, but also hate that he has responsibilities elsewhere that will take him across country.
Finally, when the silence is too much, I say, “We’ll figure it out.” Because if this is a relationship that is going to go somewhere, it’ll to be worth it to do so. “Tell me about Brett.”
He sighs. “He’s always been volatile. One minute everything is fine and the next he’s flying off the handle and destroying things. His father was the same way when we were growing up.”
“But you were his friend?”
“I was because deep down, he’s a really great guy who would do anything for his friends. As we got older, our relationship shifted. I became a standout player for our baseball team. Scouts from all over would come to the games, the media would be there,
and it didn’t matter if I was pitching or if it was Brett, they were there to see me and he hated me for that. After a while I started feeling sorry for him and would bring him along to the interviews or bring up his name to the scouts, but they weren’t interested.
“He started partying, drinking, doing some drugs. He cheated on Annie a lot. There were rumors that he got some girl from another town pregnant, but he never copped to it and when I asked, he told me to mind my own business. So I did. I pushed myself harder, worked out, and worked with a pitching coach so I could have an arsenal of pitches. Our senior year, I was unhittable and the only losses we had were when Brett pitched. That didn’t go unnoticed by anyone. The town, his father, the scouts, everyone knew I was the better of the two.
“And then Annie wised up and dumped him. She asked me to take her to prom and I did because I felt bad for her. We had always been friends, although it was honestly more like me being the third wheel in their relationship. Sometimes I’d have girlfriends, but I knew I couldn’t trust Brett around them and thought being single was better anyway. I could do whatever I wanted without having to worry if I was upsetting someone. After prom, Annie and I became a little closer and right before I left for college, I slept with her. It was a mistake, but it happened. By that point, Brett had an offer to play ball at some low-level Division Two school and things should’ve been good. Except, he and Annie got back together and she told him that we slept together. He found me cleaning out my gym locker at school, days before we left for college and took a swing at me. I ducked and his hand punched the concrete wall, shattering every bone in his throwing hand, effectively ending whatever chance he had at a baseball career.”
“Wow,” is pretty much all I can say.
Hawk shrugs. “He’s the main reason I stayed away for as long as I did. Sure, I’d come home during breaks, but my parents ranch is pretty isolated so no one never knew if I were home and my sisters would never say anything because they were afraid their girlfriends would all come over to see me. After I signed my deal with the Renegades, I came back and bought the land the fields are on, and had the complex built. I didn’t even return for the ribbon ceremony because I had a game that night, so my parents did the honors.”
“I remember that,” I tell him. “Of course, in the back of my mind I always knew you existed. I just didn’t know you.”