My legs shake as I climb the steps that lead to the wide covered porch. I can barely hear the ocean that Whiskey told me is behind the house, which they built a few years ago in preparation of Sheriff Foster retiring, over my rapidly beating heart. It’s hard to imagine he would be the type to sit around day after day, but maybe after so many years at the same job, he’s looking forward to it.
The front door is open; I can hear sound coming from the television and dishes clanking in the kitchen. No one knows I’m coming here, not even Whiskey. In fact, she doesn’t even know I’m in town. She thinks I’m arriving tomorrow but I needed a day to make amends and put a plan in motion. I knock my knuckles against the wooden screen door and step back, waiting for someone to come to the door and silently praying for it to be Mrs. Foster.
The sound of footsteps has me looking through the mesh screen. Mrs. Foster is coming toward me, drying her hands with a towel. She pushes the door open slightly and smiles. “Well hello, Ajay. It’s been a long time.”
I tilt my head in shame and swallow the lump in my throat. “Yes, ma’am.” My hands begin to fidget as I search for my words. I stuff them into my pockets to try and keep them still. “I’m wondering if I can have a few moments of Sheriff Foster’s time and maybe some of yours as well?”
She smiles, nods, and pushes the door open so I can follow her in. “James, we have a guest.”
I step in and let the screen door shut against my hand to keep it from slamming. The hall is filled with pictures of Whiskey and Evelyn — each one makes me stop and long for the life we could’ve had even though I know it would’ve been nothing like what I can give them now. Maybe if I had stayed, Evelyn would’ve been mine and not some piece of shit loser’s who wants nothing to do with her.
“She’s beautiful.”
“They both are,” I say in response. “I made a mistake the day I left her.”
“She’ll forgive you, Ajay,” Mrs. Foster rests her hand on my arm. She motions toward the living room and gives me a wink. “His bark is worse than his bite, but be warned, he loves those girls more than his own life.” She walks back toward the kitchen, leaving those words hanging in the air.
Stepping into the living room, I clear my throat. “Sheriff, may I speak with you?”
James Foster doesn’t take his eyes off the television. He does, however, point the remote at it and change the channel to a hunting show. I continue to stand there, rocking back and forth on my heels. I clear my throat again, but he keeps his attention on his show.
“Sheriff Foster, I am hoping to speak to you about Whis… Jamie. I know I’m the last person you want to see standing here and I accept that, but I’m here to ask for your forgiveness.
I was nothing more than a naïve boy who just wanted to be loved and Jamie gave me that. There’s no excuse for what I’ve done… I disregarded your rules and hurt you and Mrs. Foster by whisking your only daughter off and marrying her without her family there. Then, after all of that, I left her. She was right to ask for a divorce, to move on with her life. I didn’t deserve her.”
“And you think you do now?” he pushes his recliner into a sitting position, turns off the television and stands. “Follow me,” he says gruffly. I do as he says, nodding to Mrs. Foster as we walk through the kitchen. He walks to the edge of their property and stops. I do the same and look out over the small ledge. There’s a staircase leading to the beach, with chairs set up around a small table. The view from here is breathtaking and retirement worthy.
“Evelyn loves the beach. She looks forward to building sand castles every spring. She can’t swim yet though so if she goes in the water, someone must be with her always. Jamie,” he pauses and continues to look out over the water, “she will sit down there for hours and read a book and when she’s done, she’ll walk the beach. Her mother tells me she’s looking for love, for her fairytale. Personally, I don’t believe in that crap. Do you want to know why?”
“Yes, sir.”
He turns and looks at me. “Because she already found it. She found it at eight or ten, whenever it was that she met you. I always thought she would grow out of her infatuation with you, but she never did. You, on the other hand…”
“I needed to grow up. I needed to be able to provide for her.”
“And you can do that now?”
“Yes, sir. I can.”
“And Evelyn?”
“I love her. I want to be her dad, raise her as my own. I want to build sand castles with her, teach her how to swim, ride a bike, and walk her to school. I want to be there when she loses this next tooth and have her run up to me to tell me about her day.”
“She’s not yours, Ballard.”
“Ever since I met her, I wish that she were. I regret ever leaving and want to make it up to Whiskey. I want to make things right.”
He laughs. “I’ve never understood why you insist on calling her that, but I accidentally did it one night. I was comforting her and said it, boy did she let me have it.”
“Sir, I would also like to ask for your permission to marry Jamie. I know I’m years late and we’re already married, but your permission is important to me… and I know Whiskey would love your blessing.”
Foster stands there, not saying anything. With my luck, he’s probably going to tell me no. He’s been waiting for the day when he could tell me off.
He inhales deeply and gathers himself. “You’re taking my girls away from me.”
I sigh in return. I tell him about my house and the neighborhood, and how Evelyn has a playmate in Chandler. “Whiskey doesn’t have to work unless she wants to and when Evelyn isn’t in school, they can come here whenever they want. Or you and Mrs. Foster could visit, maybe even retire out there.”
He shakes his head. “I’ve never been out that way.”