“I know and I think I love you too, but life is complicated.”
“So uncomplicate it.”
“It’s not that easy, Ajay.”
“Logan, right?”
I expect her to agree, but she shakes her head. “Yesterday when I told him about you, he offered to play mediator.” Whiskey shrugs. “He wasn’t mad that I’m married, didn’t ask me not to see you, nothing. I think this is the out we’ve both been looking for but didn’t realize it until now.”
I don’t care what sign he was waiting for but I certainly know one when I see it. My hands cup her face and pull her toward me until our lips come together. Her mouth parts and her tongue seeks mine. From the moment we touch, I’m consumed with nothing but desire and yearning, the need to show her how I’ve changed and what life can be like together. We fall back into the sand, my arm cradling her head. Her body presses to mine as her hands roam over my torso. I find myself needing to be with her, to mark her, claim her as mine and only mine, but not here. Not now.
As if she’s reading my mind, she pulls away and sits up, panting for air. “That shouldn’t have happened.”
“I disagree.”
“Logan… he’s still my boyfriend.”
With my hand around the back of her neck, I guide her to meet my gaze. “Break up with him and let me be your husband, Whiskey.”
22
Jamie
I’ve always been the girl who falls in love first, asks questions last, never thinks about the consequences and ends up ass over tea kettle because I’m not cautious. As much as I want to roll around in the sand with Ajay, to add sex in the sandy cove to the list of “Stupid Shit Jamie Does”, I can’t. I’d love to be foolish right now, to blame my emotions on making rash decisions but I owe it to myself, to Logan, and to Evelyn to proceed with caution and to not be that girl. But being that girl, the one who doesn’t care, can be nice. I hate being a responsible adult right now, and I blame Ajay. It’s his fault. He brings this reckless behavior out in me. If it weren’t for him, I’d be sitt
ing behind my desk, processing inventory, or standing behind the bar, pouring drinks, and listening to people’s problems.
Except, I’m here with my legs between Ajay’s, my fingers digging into a muscle on his back and looking into his eyes. He asked me to give him a chance at being my husband. Do I owe him that? I’m not sure that I do. Do I want to be married to him? Again, I don’t know, but I’m not positive giving up on a chance to be with him again is something I want either. Life with and without him is complicated. He’s never been far from my mind especially with his band doing so well — plus Dhara, despite being my best friend, made sure I knew everything even though I had no desire to know.
“Whiskey?” he says my name and it echoes all around. “Whiskey, look at me.”
My eyes shoot up to his and I’m lost in the deep sea of blue. I’m waiting for him to say something profound, like to tell me he loves me again or wants to make love to me… maybe tell me that if he’s not buried inside me immediately, he’s going to die or something like I’ve read before in a book or two, but he doesn’t say anything. He leans forward and kisses me softly. After years apart I’ve never forgotten the way his soft lips feel against mine. That must mean something right?
“I think we should get back,” I tell him before any of my fantasies start to come true and I’m left with no option except to tell him no. I don’t want to have sex with him on the beach… the Wrangler, maybe… but not here. Not now. Not tomorrow either. I have to get my life in order. But I can’t lie and say I don’t want to have sex with him, and yet I know I shouldn’t.
On the way back to our spot on the beach, he holds my hand and our arms sway as if this is the most common thing between us, as if we’ve been doing this for years not minutes.
Ajay stops down by the water, away from his friends. We’re ankle deep in the water when he turns to face me, blocking me from seeing the people behind us. “I’m freaking out a little. It’s starting to feel like the cove wasn’t reality and as we walk closer to our friends, we’re also going back to our real lives.”
“That doesn’t make any sense, Ajay.”
He sort of rolls his eyes. It’s not because I’m being a smart ass, but because he’s showing me his frustration. He’s never been particularly good about expressing himself.
“I don’t know what I’m trying to say, Whiskey. I just want you to know… look, I kissed you, told you that I love you. Those things still exist for me when my friends are around.”
“Okay?”
His eyes roll again, and I place my hand on his cheek. “Are you trying to say—”
“What I’m trying to say is that the person I was in private is the same person I am in public. I won’t hide my feelings for you, not from anyone.”
His words bring a smile to my face. I like that he’s open and honest about things and that if we were to stay together, everyone would know it. Our relationship wouldn’t be a secret hidden behind a closed door.
All of this is great, but I still haven’t told him about Evelyn. I don’t know why I can’t bring myself to do it. Mostly due to fear of what he might say, do or what questions he might ask. I don’t want to see the hurt on his face when he finds out I have a daughter, not because I moved on but because she’s not his. He used to tell me he only wanted children with me, and while I don’t know if that still holds true to this day, I used to say the same thing to him.
Ajay squeezes my hand and directs us back to our spot. Nola’s making lunch and offers us some as well.
“Actually, I need to go make a phone call,” I say, without looking at Ajay for his reaction. I rifle through my bag and pull out my cell phone, thankful that no one has been trying to reach me.