“Shut up, woman!”
“He’s an ass,” Ajay says. He kept the TV volume so loud the night I was here I couldn’t sleep. Not that I really wanted to, though, because each time I closed my eyes I saw my life imploding.”
Leaning against the bars, I reach behind me and grip them tightly. My hands need something to do because they’re itching to touch the man who is only a foot or so away from me.
“Tell me about California.”
Ajay sighs and leans forward to rest his elbows on his knees. He’s dressed in a suit and looks dashingly handsome. The only time I ever saw him dressed up was for our prom and even then, he wore a suit from my dad’s closet. For our wedding, he wore jeans. I wore shorts. I should’ve known it wouldn’t last.
“I don’t know, it’s a lot like North Carolina in a way. It’s hot but not overly humid. Too many people though. Beaches are crowded. Lots of surfers. And it’s pretty expensive.”
“And the band? Is it everything you dreamed of?”
He shrugs. “It’s tiring, rewarding, stressful and exactly where I want to be. Playing the drums is therapeutic for me. Knowing that someone is counting on me to do my part helps me get up in the morning. It gives me something to look forward to.”
“You make it sound like Nashville saved you.”
He hangs his head and is quiet for a moment. He takes a shuddering breath and looks forward. “After you lost the baby… something broke inside of me. I thought that I somehow failed you because I couldn’t take the pain that you were feeling away. I was suffering in silence, trying to bury my feelings. I know the experience is different for mothers because they carry the baby, but I wanted our child so badly because it would’ve been the best parts of you and to have another you in the world would’ve only made my life better.
“Going to Nashville was a way to hide the pain, to take my anger out on a kit instead of yelling at you… to get drunk and forget about everything.”
“Did it work?”
“Not at first. I knew going there was a long shot, but I had to do something because the alternative was to quit us.”
“Which you did anyway.”
He nods. “Once I got there, I had every intention to come back to Bailey, pack up what little shit we had and hit the road. I had aspirations, and those only increased after I talked to other musicians. They told me stories about how they were making money, getting gigs right and left, how they travel with well-known solo acts. I was determined to land a gig until every place I stopped at slammed their doors in my face. I had nothing to offer these people except for an ability to play the drums, and we both know I was mediocre at best.
“I had almost given up but the thought of coming back to Bailey to face your dad with no money in my pocket was making me sick. I couldn’t provide for you, no one was hiring here, and other than being able to bang on a drum, I had no skills.
“I stopped at a bar that was just off music row and met a manager. He told me he’d give me a chance. That night you saw me, I was a week into a contract with him, and I signed it without reading it because I was so damn excited that I was finally earning some money to be able to provide for you. The fine print was clear, the band received half the gig money, divided equally. I was making a hundred or less a night, depending on who I was playing with while that bastard was taking the rest.”
“I never cared about the money, Ajay.”
He looks at me, his eyes are bloodshot, and his cheeks are wet. I do everything I can to remain where I am.
“It wasn’t all about money, Whiskey. It was about eating, sleeping. While people in the bands had homes, I slept in alleyways. I ate one meal a day just so I had enough to buy new sticks because after a week they were so beat to shit, I needed new ones. Never mind the fact that groupies would try and steal them if I took my eyes off them for a second. I couldn’t provide for myself, let alone you. That night you came to Nashville, I wanted to run home with you, but I was stuck. I owed this man three years and there wasn’t any way he was letting me out of my contract, so I did what I thought was right and told you to go back home. I didn’t expect you to hand me divorce papers.”
“You signed them without a moment’s hesitation.” His eyes meet mine and I see sadness, loss, and heartbreak. I’m not the only one who suffered even though I’ve felt that way. “Why didn’t you come back after your contract was up?”
“I hooked up with a band and started making decent money. Still wasn’t a lot because
we had to pay for our shitty van and gas as we traveled from gig to gig. I did that for a couple of years until I saw a flyer for a drum contest that was happening in Malibu. It was some charity event and by then I was pretty good with the drums so when our tour ended, I hopped on the Greyhound and went out to California. That’s when I met Harrison.”
“Who’s that again?”
Ajay smiles. “He’s the drummer for 4225 West and my mentor. It was his contest that I entered, a drum battle in the blazing sun. At night, I’d bathe in the ocean and sleep under the dock. Then get up and play the drums.”
“Did you win?”
This time he looks at me and smiles widely. “Yeah, I did. Winning that competition was a life changing thing for me. It’s how I met Elle and she put me in her band. And yet somehow now I’m back here and in jail with my Whiskey girl.” He winks and my insides turn to mush.
“I’m really sorry for what my dad has done to you, Ajay. You don’t deserve it.”
“But I do. I skirted my responsibilities to you. The only excuse I have is that I was young and so in love with you that I thought you were better off without me. I lived like a vagrant for a long time and that was no life for you.”
“I could’ve worked, kept food on the table.”