“I stopped before it went too far, but it doesn’t change the fact that I invaded your privacy. I broke your trust. I’m sorry.” His voice wavered, but it was the sight of the tear streaking down Caelan’s too-pale cheek as he stared into the fire that broke Rayne. Yes, it sucked that Caelan invaded his privacy while he wasn’t able to make the conscious choice. If he had been awake, he would have allowed his king into his mind. He did trust Caelan completely. Even now.
Another tear fell, and Caelan roughly brushed it aside. It only reminded Rayne that Caelan was still young. Twenty-three and an untried king with the weight of two gods and all of Thia’s future resting on his narrow shoulders.
But aside from all that, beyond rank and station, Caelan had become a little brother to him as much as Zephyr was his sister. Both needed his love and protection.
Pushing to his feet, Rayne stepped around the fire and dropped back beside him. Caelan jerked upright, but it didn’t stop Rayne from wrapping an arm around his shoulders and pulling him close. He was not the touchy-feely type in the slightest. It was a wonder Eno tolerated him at all. But he needed this as much as Caelan. He needed this chasm to be healed as quickly as possible, or it would only grow until it swallowed Caelan.
“I trust you, Cael. I don’t want to keep secrets from you. Anything you wish to know, I will tell you. If you want to use your powers to see into my mind, I welcome you,” Rayne said.
Caelan shook his head, but the hand that had gripped his wrist the moment Rayne pulled him close tightened. “No. I know how you feel about me. I saw the conversation you had with Eno. About how I have the power to decide your fate at the drop of a hat and there’s nothing you can do about it. Your freedom has been handed over to me. I don’t want to take away your privacy as well.”
Rayne inwardly flinched. He knew exactly which conversation Caelan was talking about. It wasn’t one of his better moments. Loosening his hold a little, Rayne lowered his head to rest against Caelan’s. “You caught me when I was angry and frustrated. I said things to Eno that I didn’t entirely mean. Yes, you have the power to decide my fate, but I gave you that control because I trust you and believe in you. I also know the kind of man you are.” Rayne straightened and pointed to his left. “If I wanted to leave and march to Sirelis right this second, you would let me go. You wouldn’t kill me or make me your prisoner, because you respect my life and my freedom.”
“I might not let you go,” Caelan admitted. He glanced up, revealing the tiniest smirk. “First off, Sirelis is that way,” Caelan continued, pointing in the exact opposite direction Rayne was pointing. “And second, I’d want to spend at least a day trying to convince you not to leave us.”
Rayne ignored the burning in his cheeks and dropped his hand to his lap while giving Caelan the repressive look the man had obviously come to expect. “Yes, yes. It’s a good thing I’m not the one who’s leading this expedition. You understand my point.”
“I broke your trust.”
“You’ve realized your mistake and tried to fix it. That’s why I’ve handed my life into your hands. Mistakes happen, my king. Learn from them and grow wiser.”
Caelan’s gaze darted up to the trees and something clenched Rayne’s heart as he followed the stare. Was the new forest the result of Calean’s struggles with the Goddess of Life? Yes, that was more than a little terrifying.
“If you trust me…” the king started and then paused to lick his lips. “Why didn’t you tell me about you and Eno? Sometimes, I think that we’re friends, Rayne. That you’re not here simply because it’s your job, but that maybe you like being here with me, Drayce, and Eno. Isn’t dating Eno something that you’d be happy to tell your friends? Did you really think that I wouldn’t approve of you dating? Do you think that I need to be the center of your attention so badly that you can’t have a private life?”
Rayne dropped his face into his hand. He should have known this was what would happen if he tried to hide the truth. “Cael, I think I’ve viewed you as my good friend far longer than even I realize. You were the first person and only person I wanted to tell.”
“Then why?”
Lifting his head to meet Calean’s gaze, Rayne allowed a small, frail smile to crawl across his lips. “Because whether you like the idea of it or not, you do hold our lives in your hands. I was afraid if you knew how much Eno and I cared for each other, it would make you hesitant to send one or both of us into a dangerous situation where we could be killed. We have a duty to Erya and Thia. That has to come before our own feelings.”