“What we’re trying to say,” Tabby said, taking over as she stroked her rounded belly, “is that, between us all, we get what you’re going through in our own ways. Some of us have experienced loss, and we’ve also experienced finding our new families.”
Jeremy.
Looking up at Jacinda, I noticed she was watching me closely. “I’m here to be your support system with Heidi. I also have some trauma in my past, so I’d understand completely if you shut down like you want to right now.”
Shit, she was right. I hadn’t even noticed that I’d been about to center the conversation on the other women when they were here for me. It didn’t feel right not doing it, but they were here to talk about Jeremy and how I was feeling.
But I knew them all well enough to know I had a choice. I could tell them what was going on inside me like I’d told Carter and let them guide me using their experiences, or I could do nothing and stay in limbo. And these women had cared enough to draw on their own pain to come here to help me.
Smiling gratefully at Jacinda and squeezing Heidi’s hand, I took a deep breath.
And then I let it all out, repeating what I’d told Carter and listening as they gave advice based on what they’d gone through.
By the time Carter and Shanti came home, I felt calmer, and the fog surrounding my situation was lifting. I hadn’t made peace with it—there was just no way that could happen in the space of hours given what the problem was—but I no longer felt like I was only just holding my head above water.
What I was definitely feeling, though, was a whole load of gratitude. Gratitude toward Carter for knowing who the right people were to help me and for getting me that help, and gratitude toward the ladies who’d opened up and listened to me describing everything and then for holding my hand while I cried.
I was also unbelievably grateful for my closest friends, who’d taken a day away from their own lives to catch me when I fell. The only person I’d ever had who’d done that for me had been Callum, and after he’d died, I’d felt so alone and lost.
Today had been a day of discovery, and there was no way I couldn’t feel grateful, and like I could fight this battle without going under. I had too many people holding me up.
THIRTEEN
Carter
I’d arranged with Colette to collect Shanti from her place before we went home to Naomi, and that’s precisely what she was—home. The whole way, I’d focused on the little girl excitedly telling me about her day and teaching me the words to the songs from the movie she’d watched—twice—that day, but worry had been eating away at the back of my mind about how Naomi would be when she saw me.
Would she resent me for telling the women about her problem? I hadn’t gone into details, I’d just laid out the key issues, but I hadn’t asked her for her permission first. Should I have warned her? I knew the way Naomi worked, though. She wouldn’t want to ‘inconvenience’ other people with her issues, and she needed to know she wasn’t alone with her problem. I’d hoped the women would have advice that’d help her make a decision.
The problem was, I also had the file on Jeremy Lane. It wasn’t an intrusive background check, I hadn’t hired a PI to investigate him down to what brand of toilet paper and toothpaste he used, but it was enough for her to get an idea of who he was before she potentially opened or closed her world to him.
There was more in it than the one Sid Owens had passed over, but none of it was bad, just more in-depth. I didn’t want her getting involved with someone who might ruin her world, and Jeremy didn’t seem like he would, but I still had to hand it to her to read over. That’s unless she decided after talking to the women today that she didn’t want to have anything to do with him.
Shit, had I gone too far?
When we entered the house, and I smelled dinner, just as Shanti ran off singing and checking on the fish. Fortunately, there weren’t any new babies visible, so I didn’t have to get the turkey baster out and transfer them to the baby tank, meaning I could go and face Nome sooner rather than later. Sure, part of me wanted it to be later, but the bigger part of me needed to know she was okay and that she wasn’t pissed at me for what I’d done.
Stopping in the doorway to the kitchen, I waited for Naomi to turn around so I could gauge where she was at emotionally. The first thing she did was smile as she walked toward me, then she got up onto her toes and looked over my shoulder to see how far from us Shanti was.