As the words sank in, I stopped rubbing my leg and looked over to see eighty-two-year-old—but acted and lived like she was twenty-three—Mrs. Abrams in her 1987 truck, glaring at me like I was a pervert.
“It’s not like that, Mrs. Abrams,” I spluttered, trying to defend myself before the lights changed. “I hit it on a table earlier—”
“Prevert!”
Prevert? Was that the same as a pervert?
Short of standing up, pulling my pants down and showing her the bruise—which wouldn’t be a good idea because I’d lost control of my body today—I didn’t know how to prove it to her.
“I swear. There’s a wicked bruise already, and it just tightened up and went too hard for me to drive while—”
Her gasp cut me off, and then she lifted her wrinkled hand with the bones slightly deformed by arthritis and shot me the freakin’ bird. It hit differently with the swollen joints, wrinkled skin, and liver spots, but the sentiment was the same as if it’d been a teenager.
Thankfully, the light changed, and she shot off from her spot, leaving me shaking my head and promising myself one day I’d forget the embarrassment the situation had caused me. One day.
It wasn’t until I pulled into Naomi’s driveway that I managed to stop replaying it through my mind, but the mortification still lingered. I was going to be known as Officer Lane, the red light wanker. Jesus, if this reached the women at the retirement home, I’d need riot gear to attend call-outs there.
Finding Naomi in the kitchen, I walked up behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist, sighing at how right it felt.
“All day,” I whispered, kissing up her neck to her ear. “I’ve been hard all day remembering how it felt being inside you. How soft you felt around my cock. How wet.” I punctuated it with a nip to her earlobe before moving onto her cheek. “How slick you were as I moved in and out.” I could feel her breaths speeding up against my cheek as I kissed the corner of her mouth. “How tight.”
Naomi groaned and spun around, pulling my head down for a heated kiss, making me impossibly harder.
“Carter.”
Just the sound of her moaning my name had me right on the edge. It was crazy because—again—I should have more control than this. I was twenty-nine, for fuck’s sake.
“I’ve tried thinking of everything I can to get my hard on to go away, but nothing works. I’ve been like this since I left this morn—”
“Hey, Carter. Sorry I didn’t say hi before, but I was pooping.” The one voice in the world that I should have realized would be the kryptonite to my problem filled the room, and it really was an instant cure. “Don’t use the bathroom for a while, ‘kay?” Shanti said seriously, making Naomi wince.
“I couldn’t stop, Aunt Naomi. It was like one of the squishy ice creams we get at Ted’s ice cream shack. You know how he pulls the lever, and it just comes out and doesn’t stop—” she paused in her graphic dialogue, and I looked over my shoulder as she ran back to the doorway. “I wasn’t done. Oh, shoot.”
The only way I could ever describe how she looked as she ran-walked out of the room with her butt clenched was like a bear with a cactus up its ass. Unfortunately, we’d all been there at some point, so I had sympathy for her.
We may have intended to take things slowly for her sake, but Shanti had demanded I stay that first night, and now she expected it every night. We’d also heard from Bond and Heidi that she was proudly telling everyone I now slept at their house and smooched Naomi.
I’d left it up to her aunt to talk to her about how she felt about the change in the relationship between us, and her only response had been, “About time. Is he sleeping over here now? We need to buy matching pajamas.”
As far as powerful endorsements went, it didn’t get much better than that.
Until it came to kids and the bathroom, that’s where I was struggling. All of the jokes I’d heard and memes I’d seen…that shit was no joke—no pun intended.
“I guess we found the cure to your problem,” Naomi mused as she skimmed her hand over my crotch, making the greedy bastard twitch.
“Don’t start something you can’t finish, baby.”
Realizing I was right, she dropped her hand back down with a sigh. “If only you’d called Bond and Heidi’s place to speak to her this morning. Your day would have been much easier.”
She wasn’t wrong there. Shanti’d had the day off because work was being done to the preschool building today, so they’d looked after her and Nemi. Speaking to her would have solved the hell and discomfort I’d been in today.