Her gaze darts up to the ceiling in thought. “Hmm. Another full-body massage or sex with you. I don’t know. The hands on that woman… the way she touched me… was orgasmic.” She fans her face, and I pull her off the bed, lifting her over my shoulder.
After we dropped them off at camp this morning, we went to breakfast. While we were eating and deciding what to do with our day, I mentioned getting a couple’s massage. I was shocked to learn Sawyer had never gotten a massage, so I insisted we get one. It was a great idea until I was stuck in a room with Sawyer having to watch another woman rub all over her while she moaned in pleasure.
“Hudson,” she shrieks as I smack her bare ass and stalk across the room to where our clothes are. “Put me down, you crazy caveman!”
“I’ll show you how orgasmic hands can be.” I give her cheek another slap, then set her down.
“Fine.” She huffs dramatically. “But you better make it worth my while.”
For the rest of the afternoon, I use my hands as well as other parts of my body to get us both off over and over again. When she can’t take anymore, and it’s almost time to get the kids, she demands to shower alone, saying if we shower together, we’ll be late. Since she isn’t wrong, I head back to my suite to rinse off and get dressed.
I’m stepping out of the shower when my phone rings with a call from my mother-in-law. Since she rarely calls unless it’s important, I answer it.
“Debra, how are you?”
“Hudson.” Her tone is cold, and I immediately wonder what’s wrong.
“Everything okay?”
“No, everything is not okay,” she says, her voice cracking. “It’s one thing to sleep around, but it’s another to flaunt it for all the world to see.”
What the hell is she talking about?
“Debra, you’re going to have to explain…”
“It’s all over social media. You and that… woman buying condoms. You all over her, kissing her and touching her.”
I grab my laptop and open it, doing a quick search of my name. Sure enough, several pictures pop up from last night while we were at the store. “I—” I begin, trying to think of how to explain to her what’s going on when I don’t even really know myself.
But before I can get a single word out, she cuts me off. “I thought you were on a family vacation with your kids.”
“I am. I—”
She speaks over me again. “Do you have any idea how humiliating that is for Clara? Do you even care?”
And now, it’s my time to talk. “Listen, Debra. I get what you saw looks bad, but I can tell you right now, I’ve spent the past five years doing nothing but playing football, raising my kids, and grieving over my wife. Until this week, I haven’t so much as touched another damn woman,” I growl, allowing the pent-up emotions I’ve been sitting on to finally surface. “I loved Clara with every part of me, but she’s gone. And me going to the store to buy condoms with a woman I’m seeing doesn’t embarrass Clara. It upsets you because you’re still in denial that she’s gone.”
“Hudson!” She gasps in shock. “That’s out of line!”
“No, it’s the truth. It sucks, but she’s gone. She’s been gone for five damn years, and nothing we do will bring her back. But I’m still here, and…” I drop onto the edge of the bed and sigh. “And I’m lonely,” I admit out loud for the first time since I lost my wife. “And Sawyer… she makes me feel a little less alone.”
Debra sniffles over the line, and I hate that my truths are hurting her, but it needed to be said because now that I’ve let Sawyer in, I’m not going to shut everyone else out again. The fact is Sawyer makes me feel a lot less alone. She has me feeling shit I’ve never felt in my life. I’m happy and living, and it feels like I’m finally moving on, but I don’t say any of that to Debra, not wanting to rub salt in her wound.
“It sounds like you’re replacing my Clara,” she says softly.
“I love my kids, they’re my world, but they aren’t a proper substitution for adult conversation. Sure, they keep me busy, and they fill my heart with warmth, but they can’t fill the void Clara left behind. I’m not replacing her, but for the first time, I am trying to move forward. I’m sorry you had to see those photos, but I’m not sorry I met Sawyer or that I enjoy spending time with her.”
Debra is quiet for several beats before she finally speaks. “I understand,” she says. “I need to go.”
“Okay. I’m here if you need anything.”