‘Oh. Sorry...’ Laurie brought the little girl back to the group, pulling a dismayed face. Her mother took her, telling her daughter that she could go back and play with Laurie as soon as they’d accomplished this exercise together.
Ross turned away.
He’d been thinking a lot about what she’d said the other day. It had sounded like an invitation, a way that they could keep in touch and explore the idea of continuing their relationship. Maybe even take it further... Every time he thought about the prospect, he felt intense happiness, coupled with physical yearning that almost stopped him in his tracks.
But watching her now... Laurie was growing and reaching out. Who knew what the futur
e would bring for her, or whether she’d be changing her mind about not wanting a family of her own?
He could stop wondering now. Trying to think of ways that he might share his life with her. Because the one thing he didn’t want to share with Laurie was the grief and heartache of wanting their own child and not being able to conceive. She deserved better than that.
* * *
By the time he heard a sound at the balcony doors, Ross had resigned himself to keeping their arrangement exactly as it was. There were only a few days to go before she was due to leave, and although they hadn’t discussed a date, Laurie had been reducing her work at the clinic. Taking her into his arms made that prospect a great deal easier to bear because it was then that Ross lost sight of everything other than the kiss that would so surely follow.
‘I’ve been thinking.’ She kissed him with the kind of passion that told Ross that whatever she had been thinking he was going to like it.
‘Uh-huh? You should do more of it.’ He nodded towards the bed. Dinner could wait.
‘Not that.’ She nudged his ribs with her elbow. ‘Or I should probably say not just that.’
Ross chuckled, stepping back and holding up his arms in a gesture of surrender. ‘Okay. So you’ve been thinking about sex and something else. I’ll leave you to lead with whichever you reckon ought to go first.’
She walked into the kitchen, peering into the oven to see what was cooking and nodding her head in approval. Then she sat down at the kitchen table while Ross poured them each a glass of wine.
‘I thought I’d just say it....’ She grinned a little nervously and took a sip of her wine.
‘That’s always a plan.’ Ross sat down opposite her, leaning across the table to take her hands between his. Whatever it was seemed to be bugging her, and a faint pulse of concern started to beat at his consciousness.
Laurie took a breath, which made the pulse beat louder. Then flashed him a smile that drove it away for a moment.
‘I know you have concerns about continuing our relationship, Ross. But I want you to know that if you’re up for giving it a try, that’s what I’d really like to do.’
Warmth and pleasure drained from the moment as a challenging abyss opened up beneath him. Only Laurie could tip his world so completely. Ross’s shock must have shown on his face because she was staring at him now.
‘Say something. Please...’
He squeezed her fingers in what he hoped was a reassuring gesture. ‘There’s nothing I’d like more, sweetheart. But I don’t think we can do that.’
Maybe she’d leave it there, and not make him go into details. And maybe not. Ross reminded himself that one of the things he adored about Laurie was her ability to say exactly what was on her mind.
‘Why? Is this your way of telling me that you don’t want me?’
Ross closed his eyes, rubbing his hands across his face. ‘I don’t think there’ll ever be a time when I don’t want you, Laurie. What I’m saying is that you and I can never have a family, and I won’t ask you to give that possibility up for me.’
She reddened a little, her jaw setting in an adorably stubborn tilt. ‘What if I don’t care about that? What if I...’ She hesitated briefly, before continuing in almost a whisper, ‘What if I love you?’
Ross knew he loved her, too. It was the only thing that explained the deep sadness spreading through him at the thought of not spending his life with her. But he also knew it didn’t matter. He could give Laurie his love, but she deserved so much more. Saying it would only draw out this agony.
‘Do you even know what you’ll be doing this time next year? What you’ll care about? Because if we stay together, I’m not sure that I can let you go.’
Laurie sprang to her feet, pacing the kitchen. He loved her restless energy too...
‘Then don’t, Ross. Don’t let me go.’
‘Are you telling me that you can be happy with no prospect of ever having children?’
She stilled suddenly, pressing her lips together and staring at him. Ross could feel his heart hardening. It was the only way that he could bring himself to push Laurie away.