He gave her the address, and saw her car following his through the Saturday evening traffic, back to the flat close to the hospital that he’d occupied for the last year. When Hannah parked behind him, and he led the way upstairs to his front door, it seemed that he’d merely occupied it. It wasn’t a home, the way her house was.
‘This is nice.’ She looked around when he ushered her into the sitting room. Tidy and impersonal, all of the furniture selected by the landlord. It was pretty much the same as the day he’d walked in here, apart from the clothes in the wardrobe and the two boxes of his most valued possessions that were stored in the cupboard in the hallway.
‘It’s...close to the hospital.’ The large windows gave a great view of the centre of the town, and the hospital was within walking distance.
‘It has loads of potential.’
Yeah. Potential. There wasn’t much point in realising that potential, because he’d always known that he’d be moving on. Having to tear yourself away from a place that he’d made into a home wasn’t something that Matt ever reckoned on doing.
‘I just wanted to talk.’ Now that they were here, he didn’t know how to put it into words. The situation was clear enough, the irresistible attraction that they’d found together was real, but it wasn’t something that he could act on. Putting that tactfully and yet clearly was his problem.
‘Yes, I know.’ She turned her gaze on him and he was trapped again. In one of those delicious moments that he fought to ignore, but didn’t know how. ‘Where’s that coffee you promised me?’
That was a much easier prospect. She followed him into the kitchen, looking around at the shiny white cupboard doors, and sleek stainless-steel fittings.
‘Wow. Do you ever cook in here, or just make coffee.’
‘I cook.’ He opened the refrigerator door, and the contents betrayed him. Two pints of milk, four large cartons of juice and a ready meal. He grabbed some milk, and closed the door again quickly. This had suddenly turned into an exercise in questioning his lifestyle, and Matt was happy with the way he lived. No ties that could turn into bonds. No strings to cut.
She leaned back against the worktop, watching him, as he filled the machine with water and ground coffee. Then Hannah spoke.
‘Matt, this has been hard for us both. Making the kind of relationship that allows us to push our own boundaries, and win.’
That was a good start. Matt wished he’d thought of it himself. ‘I think we’ve done pretty well.’
‘Yes, we have. This next phase is going to be even more challenging.’ She gave him a knowing look.
Coffee had dripped into the two cups, and he added milk to Hannah’s, leaving his black. He could do with the bite, to concentrate his thoughts. She walked across the room, picking up her cup, and then retreated back to the other side of the kitchen.
‘Hannah, over the last four weeks I’ve come to really respect you. You’re an amazing person.’ An amazing woman. But it was best not to think of their partnership as that of a man and a woman.
She took a sip from her cup, as if allowing his words to sink in. ‘That’s nice. Thank you.’
‘If I were anyone else, I’d... I wouldn’t be hesitating. Last week, I wouldn’t have let you turn away from me on the doorstep, without asking if I might kiss you.’ He gave a smiling shrug. ‘I would have followed up with roses, of course.’
‘It sounds as if I’ve been missing out.’ She was tracing the rim of her cup with her finger. ‘You’re not... I don’t know. You don’t have a secret wife or girlfriend somewhere, do you?’
‘No, I’ve never been married, and I don’t have a significant other either. It’s nothing like that.’
‘Then you could be in witness protection.’ She was regarding him steadily. ‘Or you could have a dark past...’
‘No.’ She was getting warmer, and Matt would prefer that Hannah stop there. ‘Nothing like that either. Just...baggage.’
She narrowed her eyes in thought. ‘I know about baggage. So what kind of baggage makes you ask me out for a meal and then change your mind when you get to my doorstep? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not blaming you for it, I haven’t been all that consistent either.’
Hannah was refreshingly honest. And she made it sound as if she’d hear pretty much anything that he could say, and understand. He liked that about her.
‘I didn’t have much of a childhood. My work is everything and settling down with someone—anyone—just isn’t for me. But I do care about you, and that’s why I’ve been giving you the kind of mixed signals that don’t produce very good teamwork.’
She nodded. ‘If I hadn’t waited for you to ask, and kissed you...?’
The thought made him tremble. Locked in Hannah’s gaze, he couldn’t dismiss it as just something that would have rounded the evening off nicely.
‘I would have loved every minute of it.’
‘Every minute?’
It was useless to suppose that if Hannah had kissed him, it wouldn’t have lasted minutes. The flush of her cheeks showed Matt that she knew that as well as he did. He could have kissed her for hours without quenching the impulse to kiss her again.