“I don’t want to fight, Madox,” she says weakly, wrapping her arms tighter around herself and it’s then that I note how cold it is. Instinctively, I try to take off my jacket, but I’m not wearing it. Fuck. I left it back in the restaurant.
Can nothing go right when it comes to us? I can’t even give her my jacket when she’s obviously freezing.
“Let’s go back inside. We don’t have to fight.”
“We always end up fighting, and I feel like–”
“The reasons we fought back then… it wasn’t dumb shit, Soph. We both went through rough shit and we were there for each other, but we were hurting.” I nearly swallow my next words, but she still looks like she’s going to run. “I hurt worse without you. I’m hurting now. I’m asking you to stay because I need you. I’m not okay. Sophie, I’m asking you to stay because I need you. Stay with me. Please.”
Her baby blue eyes widen as she looks up at me, clinging to my words.
“I realized something about myself. The way I handled things back then… When you walked away, there were things I could have said. Words that would have made you stay, because you needed to hear them. I hope I’m saying the right ones now. I don’t want you to leave here without me. I don’t want you to walk away without knowing I want you and I love you, and whatever shit my mother is doing, I don’t care about it or her. I just want you.”
“Madox,” she pleads with me as she wipes her eyes and I don’t know what the wretched sound is pleading for. It’s hard to swallow, but it’s harder to swallow unspoken words and know she may never give me another chance to speak them.
“I was afraid to talk to you back then. I was scared I’d say the wrong thing and you’d leave me, and I’d never see you again. Now I’m afraid even if I do say the right words, you’re still going to leave me because it’s too late.”
“Madox, I never knew you were scared… You were never anything but strong.” Her voice hitches on the last word as she repeats, “I didn’t know,” and she covers her face with both of her hands as her shoulders hunch over. The first sob is soft, but the second is harder, louder, wracking every piece of her.
“Come here,” I say and pull her in close, holding her as tight as I can as she wraps her arms around me. Her fingers dig into me, clinging to me. Everyone could be watching us right now and I wouldn’t give two shits. I just don’t want her to leave me.
Please, don’t leave me.
“Tell me if I didn’t say the right things.” I rock her gently as I speak; her hair brushes against my lips. “I’ve never done this before,” I whisper, being open with my insecurity.
“I just wanted,” she starts to say, and her words are strangled as tears leak freely from the corners of her eyes. She peers into mine, searching for something and I hope she finds exactly what she’s looking for.
“Madox, the problem—my problem—is that I don’t see what value I could possibly bring to you.” I can hear her heart beat harder, feeling it thump against my chest. “I’ve only ever been a burden.” As the shock of her words hit me, tears stream down her face.
“Sophie–”
“No, let me, please. Please let me finish.” The tips of her fingers touch my lips as she softly says, “Please.”
The very real fear of her leaving me right now because she doesn’t think she’s worthy destroys me; I can’t move an inch while I wait for her to finish.
“I don’t see how I’m deserving of you. We were never on equal ground, and I could never give you anything in return like what you gave me.”
Time slows, and everything blurs around her. How could she think she was undeserving? How is that even possible?
“I don’t have words to describe it. You’re everything to me. And I don’t know how you don’t see it.”
“But why?” She’s brushing at the tears. “How could you care for me like you do?”
“Soph, every word you’ve just told me, every single word, I could say right back to you. I love you, Sophie Miller, and all I want from you is to feel the same way about me.”
I’ve never liked the look of her crying; in fact, I hated it, but right now, looking at me with her eyes glossed over and my words sinking in, she’s never looked so beautiful.
“I love you.” The words slip from her with the sincerity I know they hold. She would never have to utter them again in my lifetime, and I’d still know it. I’ve always loved her for it, and I always will.