It was nice to pretend I still have a relationship with her and that she didn’t fuck me over entirely.
Chapter 12
Sophie
Four years ago
“Hey,” Madox says and it scares the shit out of me. The sight of him in the cafeteria is … odd. He doesn’t belong at a small folding table outside of the sub shop and surrounded by kids younger than him in PJs and jeans.
“Hey,” I answer him and move my tray down the table. “What are you doing here?”
“I didn’t see you last night,” he answers as if that would be obvious.
“I’ve been staying in the library a lot and I crashed hard when I got in. I went to the office.” My skin pricks when I tell him that, the kind of prick that feels poisonous and hurts you deep down inside. He’s going to end it with me any day now. He’ll tell me to just stop coming around at all. I know he will. I think he’s been wanting that for a long time, but he doesn’t want to be that cruel. He’s waiting for me to leave for good. Maybe that’s why he’s here.
He just keeps looking down at me, rather than sitting. “Do you want an apple?” I offer him, simply to break up the silence.
“You’re giving me an apple?”
“I have half a sandwich too,” I add, wondering if he’s eaten as he sits down next to me. I wish I had more to give him.
“I can go get something for you?” I offer him but he shakes his head. He doesn’t bite the apple, but he holds it in both hands, letting his thumb run down the shiny red skin when he tells me, “I know you’re working a lot, and I love that you’ve found what you’re passionate about. I like it when you come to bed though, even if it’s late.”
“I can do that,” I answer him quickly, happy that he still wants me. When he leaves, I hate the realization that there’s nothing at all that makes me as happy as hearing him tell me he wants me. I know it’s not good. I’m not good. We’re not good. But I keep holding on because I want him to be happy too.
Today
It’s well past time to leave work, but I’m not ready to go back to that apartment yet. I don’t want to go back to it at all. I’m already finished with the mock-ups for all three clients this week.
I can’t do anything with them until Lara approves. She gave me the entire week to prepare them, but I feel like I’m deep down at the bottom of a black hole after the meeting today. Six hours straight without even moving from my desk. I’ll look them over tomorrow before sending them to Lara, but I can feel it in my bones that they’re exactly what the clients need and want.
I have no reason to stay any longer, but still, I head for Adrienne’s office in the back right corner, feeling the heaviness in my eyes as I do.
I didn’t sleep last night. Not at all. The presentation went off without a hitch, but only because coffee and concealer exist. I don’t think anyone can tell that I am barely hanging on by a thread.
Hesitating only to smooth my skirt, I finally knock on Adrienne’s door. She’s still here along with a few others in the cubicles, but this entire floor is nearly empty.
“Who is it?” she calls out.
Shit. It’s awkward speaking through the wood door, but I do. “Sophie Miller. I just wanted a quick word.”
Embarrassment floods my face, all the way up to my temples, but she tells me to come in and I suck in a breath, knowing I should be quick. I don’t know what I was thinking coming unannounced.
You were thinking: I don’t want to go home.
My mouth is open before the door is even closed, ready to tell her I only wanted to thank her for giving me the opportunity and I hope the presentation was everything they expected, but my lips slam shut.
Adrienne’s face is red, her cheeks tearstained. She smiles brightly anyway, not bothering to hide the fact that she must have been crying.
“I’m so sorry, I can come back another time,” I murmur and reach behind me for the doorknob, feeling like a fucking asshole, but Adrienne tells me to stay.
“Your presentation was wonderful. I know Lara was impressed.” Her tone is muted, her energy drained.
“Thank you. That’s what I…” I pause and step forward, and she motions for me to sit. I shake my head and tell her, “I just wanted to thank you. That’s all. I really appreciate you giving me a chance, and I’m so happy it went well today.” I don’t even know what words just came out of my mouth because I’m so distracted by how distraught Adrienne is. And how she’s pretending like she isn’t.