My plans had only one main objective, to keep Desiree safe.
18
Desiree
I woke up the next morning, and for a few seconds, I didn’t remember everything that happened the day before. In those first few seconds of consciousness, I didn’t think about anything but the warmth of the blanket around me. For that first little bit of the day, I could enjoy that warm, cozy feeling that came during the winter, when even if the house was a good temperature, it was like my body knew there was a chill outside and sought out the deepest corners of the bed or piles of covers on the couch. It was when I craved hot chocolate and fires and hot soup with crusty bread.
They were inconsequential, meandering thoughts, but when the first foggy moments of consciousness were over and I remembered what was really going on, I would have happily buried myself in those inane drifts again. They were far better than having to acknowledge how I acted the day before.
The cold reality came head-on when I wriggled backward across the mattress, trying to find Aiden to cuddle up with, and only found an empty spot. At first, I thought maybe he had gotten up already. Then I remembered I’d thrown a temper tantrum and closed myself up in the bedroom the night before rather than having him come to bed with me.
I sighed and flopped over onto my back to stare up at the ceiling. There wasn’t a lot of light coming in through the window. Even without a clock, I could tell it was very early in the morning. The sun was still struggling to make its way up and warm the cold air, and the hazy half-light made me want to pull the blanket up over my head and go back to sleep.
But I couldn’t stop thinking about Aiden and the way I’d spoken to him. I was going through one of the worst times of my life, and he was there for me, no questions asked. Well, one question asked. One very big question. He wanted to know about my life, my history. He wanted the truth about everything.
It wasn’t that it was too much to ask. With everything he was doing, it made sense he would want to know more. Finally telling him was just like ripping my heart out. I didn’t want to tell him. It was easier to keep everything inside and not let it out, to not be vulnerable and admit I needed the help he was holding out to me.
He didn’t understand. He would never be able to understand. And that was a good thing. I didn’t want him to understand. If he understood, that would have to mean he had lived through it. He had gone through pain like I’d gone through, and I never wanted that for him.
But I didn’t need to push back against him the way I did. After a few minutes, it was clear I wasn’t going to be going back to sleep. I decided to get up and make breakfast for Aiden and me. It was just a small gesture, but at least it was something I could do to thank him and show him how much I appreciated everything he was doing for me.
I got out of bed and slipped into the thick, warm bathrobe Brett added to my list of things I needed at the store. It wasn’t something I would have thought about for myself, but as soon as I saw it in the bags of clothes and toiletries he got me, I was so grateful he’d thought of it. The weather had been so cold, and the robe warded off the chill in the mornings and the evenings before bed. I added a pair of thick socks to shield my feet and padded into the kitchen to see what I could make.
It was early enough that I doubted Aiden was going to be awake too soon. This meant if I was quiet, I had plenty of time to make something special for him. I started by getting the coffee maker up and brewing, needing some of the hot caffeine to fortify me. Once I had a cup in me, I got out everything I needed to make a batch of eggnog French toast. It wasn’t necessarily seasonal, but it was one of my favorite breakfasts from when I was a little girl.
While the toast was soaking in the fragrant, spice-studded custard, I went to work making eggs and bacon to go along with it. I was getting everything loaded onto platters to put on the table when Aiden rose from the couch. He was rubbing his eyes like he was trying to break through the fog of just waking up. He looked around at all the food and breathed in the smell of the kitchen, then looked at me.