“He is. Cross is gone.”
“What do we do now?”
“Nothing. We do nothing right now.”
I nodded, feeling my eyes grow heavy. The heavy beat of his heart acted like a lullaby as I allowed sleep to take over and hopefully begin to heal my broken soul.
Days of deep melancholy passed. Pain every waking moment as Pike and I tried to take life one day at a time. White. We were white, and the constant reminder of our loss made me hate the lack of color more than ever before. I had never seen a man float through life, but that was exactly what Pike was doing. Floating in a thick haze of grief. He became lifeless along with colorless. And as much as I wanted to take away his pain, I had no way of doing so. Everywhere we looked, we saw a reminder of Cross. And every time I looked at his twin brother, a sharp pang would nearly knock the air out of me.
But with each day, and with each hour, Pike and I slowly regained our strength. The deep fog we both moved through slowly began to lift. Conversations occurred between us, ones that didn’t have the name Cross in them. Inch by inch a sense of calm, contentment, and acceptance began to seep into our waking hours. We were healing. Slowly.
We sat across from each other, like so many other times before, but today was different. Pike seemed like he was contemplating, heavy in thought. I decided to see if I could maybe get him to open up a little.
“Pike? You seem like you have been thinking pretty hard today.”
“I have.” He looked up at me and made eye contact. His expression gave nothing away.
“What about?”
“About us. About what our next step is. My brother and I were Pallid Slave transporters, but that has to change now. Now that I’m a Pallid as well. Plus,” he said as he studied me watching him, “that is no life for you anyway. I’ve heard of a small planet in the Zolar universe that is taking in Unins. It’s supposed to be a safe haven, but at the same time, there is talk that the outcast Unins are preparing for war against the Drenkens. Maybe it is time for you and me to join them. I’m sure if I study the star charts, I can find this planet, and you are a trained soldier so—”
My heart skipped a beat knowing that Pike was considering me in his future plans. “What are you saying?” I interrupted, needing more clarification. “Are you wanting a future with me in it?”
He smiled. The first genuine smile I had ever seen from him. It reminded me of Cross, but did not bring me sadness, but rather a happiness that filled my aching spirit. “Of course you are in it. When Cross and I went back to Canary, it was to claim you as ours. We had been damn fools to let you go, and we realized that…sadly too late.” He swallowed hard and took a deep breath. “But I will never make that mistake again. I want you. You are mine.”
“Yours?”
“Mine.” He stood up and pulled me from my chair. He wrapped his arms around me, trapping me against his body. “I have no lifeblood, but with the loss of it, I gained something I have never had before. I feel. I feel so much more than the dark, angry emotions of before. It’s as if my heart has grown. My entire being has changed. I feel pain, I feel the loss of my brother, and yet I feel emotions such as hope, and love. Love for you.”
I looked up into his eyes and allowed the tears to fall. His confession was all I had ever wanted to hear. He loved me. He openly admitted his feelings for me. Cross had given him the gift of love with his tragic death. Cross had given me the possibility of being loved.
“I don’t deserve your love in return,” he said. “I have done nothing but hurt you both physically and emotionally. But I want to earn it. I want to prove to you that I can give you what you need. I can honor the memory of Cross by protecting and caring for you like he would have done. I will try to be everything he was.”
“You will be more.” I stroked his face and gave him a soft kiss before adding, “You have all that Cross was, as well as what made you who you were. You and Cross both had parts of everything I ever wanted. But now you have it all. You have everything inside of you. Everything that made the both of you, has now joined together inside of only you.”
“What part of me could you have wanted? I was nothing but cruel to you.”