No. I couldn’t.
I cared. My foolish heart may very well end up being the reason for my death, but I couldn’t deny the fact that I cared. I could never kill either one of them.
Although it was clear as day—I was alone and needed to accept that fact. The brothers would not be there for me. I had a choice. Live or die. And if I wanted to live, then I needed to be strong when I landed on Canary and become the soldier I once was trained to be.
I remembered a time I thought I would for sure die. I had taken a bullet in my stomach and suffered in my sister’s arms waiting for death to take over. I had looked into her eyes, with the soft hue of pink from her lifeblood surrounding me in warmth, and whispered goodbye. Trinity didn’t allow it. She yelled. She shook me. She demanded that I didn’t give up. I was a soldier. I was her Lifeblood Twin, and nothing would defeat me. Over and over, she lectured while she held my wound closed with her hand. She would not allow fear to win. And she most certainly wouldn’t allow death to take me away.
Fight.
Win.
Battle the odds.
These were her words.
I needed to remember that day, and pull from her strength. I needed to remember those words. She would want me to fight. She would not want me to beg and plead. I could almost hear her firm but loving voice now. She would tell me to hold my shoulders back, head up, and leave the brothers without ever looking back. March on, sister. March on.
Yes, that is what I would do.
I wasn’t surprised when Cross entered my room—without Pike—with a sullen look upon his face. He quickly walked up to me and pulled me into his arms. It took him several minutes to speak, and all I could hear was the sound of his heart as my face rested against his chest. “I don’t want to say goodbye to you when we reach Canary. It will be the hardest thing I will have ever done, but it has to happen.”
I pulled away enough to look into Cross’s eyes. “I will say this one last time. My only wish, my one true desire, is to be the slave you and your brother want to keep. That you both won’t decide to deliver me. But I also understand that you both have your orders. I am cargo. Our fates are sealed.”
Cross placed a simple kiss on my cheek. “You are so much more than a slave to me. And whether or not Pike will admit it, you are more to him as well.”
I shook my head sadly. “No, Cross. I am just a Pallid Slave. The day my sister died, I knew that wishes did not come true. I wished for her back, just as I wish to stay with you and Pike. Both will never happen. I’ve accepted my imminent death when I get off this ship.” Though dramatic, my soul spoke and I had no desire to hold it back any longer. Especially to spare Cross’s feelings. Let him know he was sending me to my possible death. He was. Let the guilt of that eat away at him every single day that I am gone.
“Never! Do not assume you will die. Do you understand?” Cross boomed as his eyes turned black in fury. His loving demeanor quickly changed. “You are a Unin warrior. You are a soldier born to battle. Do not accept this as your fate.”
I shook my head as I tried to control the tears from falling past the rims of my eyes. “Cross, I stopped being a soldier a long time ago. The drive for fight died the day my sister did. I am a beaten down, captured slave just like the others you transport.”
Cross took a calming breath and caressed a finger underneath my eye to catch an escaping tear. “Truth, I love you. I love you, but your freedom is something I cannot give. It is not possible to give.” He paused to kiss where the tear had once been. “These slaves my brother and I deliver have always been faceless, nameless, and have never held a second in my heart. You, on the other hand, do. I will never treat you or put you in the same category as them.” Cross placed a soft kiss on my pouting lips. “Do you understand?”
I shook my head in denial. My tears continued to fall. I didn’t want to cry or seem weak, but I could no longer hold in the pain. I wanted Pike, and his constant refusals broke my heart. I wanted Cross, and his inability to stand up for our love and me crushed my soul. I wanted both brothers so desperately, but the fates blocked it all.