"That didn't bother me," I snapped back at him. "Good. You want to take a ride with me?"
"No."
"Why not? Jeez. We'll cruise the area, check it out. Hi introduce you to some other guys our age and maybe some girls, too. I won't even ask you to chip in for gas."
"I don't want to cruise the area. There's nothing and no one that interests me," I said. "Enjoy your car," I told him and hurried away.
"Even my sister? Even she doesn't interest you?" he screamed after me.
I heard him laugh, but I didn't pause. I continued toward the h
ouse without turning and entered. For a moment I remained at the door. Then I peered out the front window and looked toward the forest where he had been standing. He was gone.
But I didn't feel relieved. I felt disappointed.
A few days later, we had an early snow. It was actually a welcome sight because the white blanket covered the gray, dreary trees and pale grass and bushes. Even the birds that spent their winter with us looked pleased and more energetic. The day after it was warm again, however, and the cloudless sky gave the sun an opportunity to melt the snow quickly. The world glistened, especially in the moonlit evening when the cold air hovered around freezing. The trunks of the trees and the branches shimmered like someone had painted them all with a glossy clear polish.
I was free in the afternoon. Mommy had fallen asleep again after spending the morning cleaning the house, this time with a vengeance. She seemed to see dirt where there wasn't any, spots where there were none. Toward the latter part of the morning, she went up to the tower room to dust and scrub. I could hear how intensely she was working. and I wasn't surprised when later, after lunch, she practically collapsed on the settee and dozed off.
A terrible new sense of loneliness came over me. It had been so long since I had a companion. Despite the facade I had put up in front of Elliot, work, as hard and as long as it could be, didn't compensate. I was actually running out of ways to occupy my mind, and the school lessons Mommy set out were easier than expected. In the back of my mind I thought the school lessons for Celeste would have been more of a challenge, but I dared not say anything like that.
The truth was. I couldn't ignore the stirring going on within me. Even without mirrors. I found ways to see my reflection, sometimes in a
windowpane, sometimes in some shiny silver. The face that looked back at me intrigued me. It wasn't the face I felt I wore. It truly looked more like a mask. Where am I. the real me? I wondered. Where have I gone?
Eventually, a Greek myth I had read recently drew me back to the water, where the stream was caught and circled into something of a pond. Years and years ago, when Daddy was alive, he would take us to the pond to swim. The myth that tickled my brain was the myth of Narcissus. Looking into the water. Narcissus fell in love with his own image, and when he realized it was only an image, he died. Mommy wanted me to read it so I would learn to be unselfish and avoid caring too much about things that didn't matter. I understood all that. but I still longed to see something beautiful in me. Was that evil?
Cleo was practically ecstatic that I was returning to the woods. His eyes were bright, and he was running about everywhere, his unbounded energy amusing. I tried calming him down, but it was like trying to hold back the wind. Crashing through bushes, digging, barking, chasing every bird, he circled and charged ahead of me. When we reached the pond, he lunged for the water and went in completely, dog-paddling his way across and then back, his head bobbing as if his neck was one big spring. I couldn't help but laugh at him.
Then I sat on a rock and looked at the water to stare at myself. Mommy had my hair very closely cut, even shorter than Noble wore his own. My added weight made my face rounder than I wished it to be, but my lips didn't thicken, and despite all the hard work I had done. I still had slight features. I'm almost pretty. I thought.
"Well, if it isn't the hermit," I heard and nearly jumped out of my body.
There he was. Elliot, coming out of the woods toward me.
"What do you do, wait around all day to see if I'm in the woods?" I asked, annoyed at being so surprised.
"Hardly. But I did hear the dog barking, and I knew you're the only one with a dog around here. It didn't exactly take brain surgery. Where's your fishing pole?"
"I didn't come here to fish." I said.
"Oh?" He looked around. "Well, you're obviously not here to swim. right? That water is probably cold enough to freeze your ding-dung
"Ding-dong?"
"I know you know what that is," he said. smiling. I felt my back stiffen.
"No. Im not here to swim. Sometimes I just like walking in the woods. I need to give Cleo some exercise. too."
"Right, exercise." he said and skimmed a flat rock across the water.
"How come you're not cruising in your car?" I asked.
He smirked.
"What?" I followed.
"I'm grounded for a month. I got a speeding ticket. Who would ever think they would have a speed trap in one of these one-horse towns? Naturally, my father went nuts. I just get my license and then a speeding ticket, which he says raises the car insurance premium."