"What's concert--" Noble started to ask.
"I'm going to teach you now how to meditate, how to fix your mind on one thing and stay glued to that one thing so firmly that you will hear or see nothing else around you. You need to learn how to do that. Noble. It will help make it all happen faster." she said, nodding to herself. "It will help you to connect to your psychic energy, along with the Klena."
"Is Daddy here now?" Noble asked.
"Yes," she said, and he looked about the room. "He's right beside you," she said. "Listening to everything were saying and hearing all your promises."
Noble's mouth dropped open. Slowly, he turned and looked. and then he looked at me to see if I saw anything. He could tell I didn't, but I was quiet. He looked again.
"You can't see him or hear him yet. Noble. I told you."
"I want to." Noble whined.
"Then you'll do what I tell you," Mommy insisted. "It's time for bed. Go up and get ready." she concluded and stood up.
Noble, full of disappointment, rose. I took his hand and we walked to the stairway.
"Did you see him?" he asked in a whisper. "No." I said. "But we will," I said.
He looked back. Through the doorway, we could see Mommy smiling at what was for us nothing. She was nodding. too. How I envied her.
When she came to our room that night to say good night, she told us Daddy was alongside her. I closed my eyes after she had kissed Noble and then me. and I waited to see if I could feel Daddy's lips again. His kiss was always different from hers. He held his lips on my cheek longer and then tickled the tip of my nose with the tip of his nose. I didn't feel his lips, but I was sure I had vaguely felt the tip of his nose. My eyes snapped open. Mommy was leaving the room, closing the door softly, and in the wake of the hallway light. I was sure I saw Daddy's shadowy figure. I wanted to call out to him. but I didn't. My heart was pounding. The door snapped closed.
At least Daddy could fix the wheel on my wagon," Noble muttered. "I don't have to see him for him to do that."
I shook my head and turned away.
He'll never understand. I thought. and I wondered how Mommy would live with that.
Mommy's decision to start us on meditation was really her way of trying to get Noble to
concentrate and make contact with the spiritual world. I didn't mind it when we began. but Noble hated it more than anything else Mommy made him do.
She surprised us the next morning by having three cushions on the floor in the living room, one for each of us and one for herself across from us. She told us we could not have any breakfast until we practiced our meditation. Noble whined that he was hungry and wanted a mushy egg, which was a soft- boiled egg Mommy crushed with a fork until it sat on the plate like a yellow and white pancake.
This has to be done on an empty stomach." she insisted and then she demonstrated how she wanted us both to sit on the cushion. Her directions were very specific, and she demonstrated.
"Cross your legs and relax your shoulders," she directed and rose to help Noble get into the position. "Put your arms comfortably on your thighs. That's it. Don't bend over like that. Noble. I want you to keep your back straight, but not stiff. Do it," she ordered, and he groaned and followed her instructions.
She glanced at me and saw I was doing it correctly, "Okay," she said, sitting across from us.
"What are we doing?" Noble moaned, "I'm hungry."
"We are learning how to concentrate so you can do what you have to do to see and speak to Daddy again. Do you want that?"
"Yes."
"Then just listen and do what I tell you to do," she said. "It's important you be relaxed. You open your mouth just a little, children, and notice your breathing. Just notice it. Don't breathe harder or faster. Notice how your breath goes out. Every time something else comes into your mind, toss it away and go back to noticing your breath."
She closed her eyes and looked like she was doing exactly that.
"I can't stop thinking about my egg," Noble complained.
Mommy raised her eyes to the ceiling and then took a deep breath herself and said. "Okay, here's what else I want you to do. When you breathe in and out. I want you to say. hamsa."
"What?" Noble asked,
"I want you to say h-ah-m as you breathe in and s-ah as you breathe out. Go on. Let me hear it." I did it. and Mommy nodded.