"No. I'm not." Tears came to my eyes.
"Do we have to do this now?" Celia said. "You have a lot on your mind,"
"You're right. Okay, do what you want. Let's go," Brenda said, and signaled for the check.
Her mood changes were driving me crazy. I couldn't tell if she hated the sight of me here or was glad I had come despite everything.
"She pretends she's so cool, but she's really nervous about the game," Celia whispered.
When we returned to the dormitory, Brenda went directly up to their room. She hadn't said a word all the way back. Celia stood beside me in the parking lot, watching her go into the building. Her eyes narrowed with concern.
"I'm a little worried about her with all that's on her mind. I mean, your mother and all," she added. "I think I had better spend some time with her. I can tell when she's really uptight. There's a rec room on the first floor, two doors down on the right. Why don't you watch some television or read for a while. and I'll come down as soon as I can?" she said. "Is that all right?"
"Yes," I said. surprised. Brenda never had shown nervousness before any of the tournaments or big games she had played when she was at home. How was Celia able to tell what was under her skin if I couldn't Or Mama couldn't? And why wouldn't she want me to be there as well to help cheer her up and comfort her? I really felt like an outsider.
The rec room was bigger than I expected, but there was only one girl in it, watching television. She sat on the settee with her feet up, her shoes off. She didn't look much older than I was. and I wondered if she was a student or a guest like me. Could she have a sister here who was also on the basketball team? I saw she was watching a soap opera, and she was so involved in it she barely gave me a glance.
I plopped into the chair near the settee.
"He's lying, you know," she said without taking her eyes off the television set.
"Excuse me?"
"Dirk," she said, looking at me quickly. "Amanda is carrying his baby."
I looked at the set and realized she was speaking about the characters on a soap opera.
"Oh."
"Don't you watch Rainbow of Dreams?" The commercial started.
"No. I'm not familiar with it. I don't really watch much television in the afternoon. My mother used to watch soaps, but she hasn't for some time."
"I don't see how she could stop. It's like an addiction. I actually scheduled my classes around Rainbow of Dreams."
"Oh, you're a student?"
"Of course. What do you think. I just come here to watch television?" She laughed and tilted her head and looked at me. "Now that you mention it, who are you?"
"I'm Brenda Taylor's sister. I drove to Memphis to watch her play in the championship basketball Zame."
"Oh, Brenda," she said. "I didn't know she had a sister." she added, glancing at the set. "No one knows much about BC."
"BC? Why do you call her BC? Her name is Brenda Taylor."
"Brenda and Celia. BC. Everyone calls them BC around here. They stick to themselves. Literally," she added.
I felt the blood rush into my face. "What's that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing," she said. She held up her hand. "I never said a word."
"Maybe they just don't like the choice of potential friends," I snapped back. and got up.
She looked at me as if I were from another planet, but the commercials ended, and the building could be on fire and she wouldn't care or turn away again. I was annoyed with her and with being relegated to the rec room while Celia cheered up my sister. I marched out and went to the stairway. Mama had said that two sisters who had gone through as much as we had gone through needed each other. I should be the one up there with Brenda. not Celia.
I hurried up the stairway and down the hallway to their room. Maybe I should have knocked first. I wasn't thinking. Mama's sudden illness and change of heart, the drive, all the tension between Brenda and me, my feeling so lost, all of it put so much turmoil into my mind that I didn't know whether I was coming or going, and certainly not whether I had made a big error coming here myself.
Of course. I wondered why they didn't lock their door. When I turned the handle and it opened, the last thing I thought was that would be a problem. I didn't enter. however. I simply stood there stupidly gaping.