Anxiety spiked when he found her recollection of the carriage ride to her new home. Silus had been in a rush to bed his new bride. Taking Larissa’s arm in a firm grip, Silus led her up the stairs to the master bedroom, where he quickly undressed her.
Eleazar recoiled at the memory of her fear and trepidation, experiencing everything from the sting of tears in her throat to the cold press of Silus’s hand, lowering her to her stomach as he bent her over the bed.
These memories were no one else’s business, but they were hers and she was his mate. If Larissa had borne the reality, he could bear the memory.
The echo of her sharp cry cut through him, and his arms tightened reflexively as if he could somehow save her from such a past. She had expected the pain but not the humiliation.
A reoccurring thought played through her head as her husband rutted into her like an animal. She hadn’t even had a chance to unpin the braids in her hair. In the end, what hurt her most was her husband’s absolute disregard for her feelings.
He suffered with her through the memory of her wedding night, feeling every apprehension, down to the chill in the air when that selfish bastard left her wearing a mix of virgin blood and semen. She was confused and worried. Her fear that the man she expected to love her might actually hate her mingled with her unbreakable desire to try still to please him.
In the weeks and months that followed, she tried everything to earn her husband’s approval and praise. But when Silus wasn’t crushing her body, he crushed her spirit with snide comments until he altogether pulverized Larissa’s hopes of forming a connection.
He kept her from her family, monitored her every chore, and criticized her housekeeping. The emotional neglect was endless, unbearable when he experienced it from her perspective and saw how much she genuinely wanted to please her husband.
Then the mental abuse started and Eleazar had heard enough. “He didn’t deserve you.” Silus wasn’t worthy of a single minute of her day, and Eleazar had put her with that monster. Then, lowering his head in shame, he rasped, “You should never forgive me.”
“Now you see.”
He had seen more than he ever wanted to see, and those memories would haunt him for the rest of eternity. “I’m so sorry, Larissa. If I had known that was happening…”
“You would have done nothing.” Her smile was anything but pleased. “That’s the grim truth about Family Law.”
Unwittingly, a glimpse of another memory assaulted him and he flinched. She followed it with another, and another, each one a bullet through his heart.
“I understand,” he choked. It never got better for her. Every time Silus touched her, he treated her worse.
“Do you? Do you truly understand what I mean when I tell you I’m broken? He broke me, Bishop. I’m afraid even God’s too late. Those firsts can never be undone.”
Eleazar could take no more. Through gritted teeth, he snarled, “It’s not you who is broken, it’s the barbarian that married you.”
“Perhaps we both are.”
He could not pressure her, yet there was no escaping the urgent need to complete their bond. “I would never take from you the way he did.”
“Every man takes. It’s the nature of the beast.”
“It will not be so between us.”
“I shared my pain, but you can’t understand my scars.”
Offended by her naivety, he set her down and paced. “And I could say the same for you, Larissa. I’ve survived five centuries on my own. Do you think your half a century of loneliness can compare? I’ve suffered incredible loss, watched loved ones fall to plagues, and suffer through famine. You do not have the world cornered when it comes to hardships.
“I understand that he hurt you, but that’s over now. He will never come near you again. As your mate, you have my word and my protection. But I will not let you give up. Your life has only begun. You should be thanking God for this gift He’s given us. Instead, you’re refusing something others wait an eternity to find. Happiness isn’t luck, Larissa, it’s a choice. You have to choose to be happy and do the work.”
Her chin trembled. “I shared my most intimate secrets with you—”
“And I sympathized with you. But now, this is where we are. What do you choose? Do you want to live in the past or move forward?” He softened his voice. “I promised you honesty, Larissa, and that’s what I’ve given you. I desperately want your trust and I’m willing to be patient, but in this we only have so much time before we risk losing our humanity.”
“So, you’re saying I have no choice.”
“You have a choice. Right now, you can choose our future together.”