I try to pull away from him, wanting to adjust the angle that he pushes into me but his hold is too strong and I’m trapped under him. “Stop,” I find myself saying, my voice broken and barely a whisper that I force myself to say it again. “ROMAN. STOP.”
He tears his fingers free immediately and releases his hold around my body. “You’re too fucking desperate for it,” he murmurs in my ear, his voice like acid on my skin. “You don’t want this. You have no fucking idea what you’re begging for.”
I barely catch my breath before he pushes me off his lap, and though he doesn’t mean to, I slip straight off the edge of the couch and go tumbling to the ground. Then without sparing a single glance at me, he reaches for his drink and walks away.
Tears sting my eyes as I wonder what the fuck just happened. One second he was into it. He was giving me exactly what I wanted, smiling against me and urging me on. The next second, he was punishing me for wanting something real with him. I want to hate him.
Feeling Marcus’ eyes from the opposite couch, I raise my head and meet his haunted stare. I expect him to tell me to shrug it off, that it doesn’t mean anything, but he simply stands and looks at me as though he couldn’t be more disappointed. He turns and walks in the opposite direction, leaving me feeling humiliated on the ground and reminding me that these are not the normal kind of guys I’m used to dealing with. They’re psychopaths. Heathens. Stone-cold killers. And I am nothing but a joke.
The tears fill my eyes and fall down my face, dropping from my jaw onto my chest. My fingers knot into the silk gown on the floor and I pull it up to cover myself, wondering how I could let that happen. I dropped my guard. I allowed myself to feel something for a bunch of men who don’t know what it means to even care.
My head falls into my hands and just as sobs begin to build deep in my chest, two hands curl under my arms and pull me up onto the couch. I crash down into Levi’s arms and he pulls me in tight next to him, allowing me to cry into his shoulder.
A moment passes and as his hand begins to rub up and down my arm, I hear the soft rumble of his deep tone filling the room. “It’s not you,” he tells me. “This is all on him. You’re there asking him to open up to you, and while he wants that, he doesn’t know how to give it to you. It angers him. He’s always been so good at everything, been the best, the favorite, and he sees how easily Marcus and I have been able to let you in, and it’s breaking him.”
I shake my head, my brows furrowed with confusion. “I’m not asking him to fall in love with me. I’m asking him to let me in, to know him like I’m getting to know you.”
“I know,” Levi murmurs. “There’s one thing you need to understand about Roman before attempting to get close to him. He doesn’t take orders and he needs to always be in control. Felicity had to learn all of this the hard way, but he won’t allow some woman to come in and start fucking with his emotions, and that’s exactly what you’re doing. He doesn’t trust himself when he can’t see what’s clearly ahead. Then add the guilt that’s weighing down on him for even having any sort of feelings for you so soon after Felicity’s death.”
I let out a breath, cringing as I realize what I’ve done. “Fuck, I didn’t even think about her.”
“Roman sees the world in black and white, and right now, you’re fucking with his head and forcing him to see all the gray in-between,” he explains, holding me tight. “It’ll take some adjusting but give him time, he’ll come around. Though, he’s going to need some space after that one.”
“If he wasn’t ready, why did he join in on the rooftop the other day?”
Levi lets out a sigh and I raise my chin to watch the expression on his face. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but the rooftop was about fun. It was about making you feel something, not us, and certainly not about feeling any connection. He just wanted to see you come, just like the rest of us. It was fun, nothing more. Now, one-on-one, and the way you look at him with expectations, that’s different.”
I swallow hard and nod as I adjust the silk gown over me to cover all the important bits. “And Marcus?” I question, trying to deal with one thing at a time as I put that information away for later. “Why was he so mad at me?”