Penny sends a laughing emoji. No, don’t tip him. And don’t worry about the fee. This is my treat. A thank-you for being the nicest big sister I knew growing up.
I insist that she allow me to pay—she refuses to consider it—and finally, after another ten minutes, I agree to let her cover the cost if she agrees to make me her free, go-to babysitter when she and Bash need a break.
I tuck my phone back in my pocket, take one last glance around the disaster-in-progress, and get back on my feet, leaving the Christmas toilet to rock plaintively on its uneven base as it gives up my weight.
“Tomorrow, toilet,” I promise. “I’ll be back for you tomorrow.”
But tonight, I’m going on a date. A fake date, but still…
I’m excited.
And scared.
And curious.
What’s Zach going to be like? What kind of guy works for a revenge escort service?
I can’t imagine…
But it looks like I’m about to find out.
3
From the texts of Zachary “Coop” Cooper
and Penny Pickett Prince
Penny: Thanks so much for taking this assignment, Coop! I’ve known Maggie since I was in third grade and wanted to set her up with someone perfect.
* * *
Coop: Aw, thank you! Does this mean I’m your favorite?
* * *
Penny: LOL. You know I don’t play favorites. I just think you and Maggie will get along. She restores old houses for a living, and you worked on old houses with your dad growing up. You play in a rock band. Her daughter plays in a rock band. There’s a lot of common ground.
* * *
Coop: Sweet. What band?
* * *
Penny: I can’t remember the name. Pregnancy brain is making me stupid. But her daughter’s really good. Maggie used to sing in college, too. She was a member of an a cappella group before a cappella groups were cool.
* * *
Coop: Nice. I can’t wait to meet her.
* * *
Penny: Perfect! Just don’t tell her that you’re twenty-nine, okay? I mean, unless she asks. And then maybe tell her you’re thirty-one?
* * *
Coop: Why?
* * *
Penny: Thirty-one sounds so much older than twenty-nine. Don’t you think?
* * *
Coop: No, I meant why should I lie? She’s only thirty-seven. It’s not like there’s that much of an age gap.
* * *
Penny: I know, and maybe she won’t care. But she’s kind of old-fashioned and hasn’t dated much since she and her ex broke up ten years ago. I don’t think she has any idea how normal it is for women to date younger men these days.
* * *
Coop: She hasn’t been on any of the dating apps?
* * *
Penny: Nope. I tried to talk her into it at a barbecue last summer, but she insisted she wasn’t the kind of person who has success on apps.
* * *
Coop: But she’s gorgeous…
* * *
Penny: I KNOW, RIGHT? So gorgeous. And sweet and funny and super hardworking and interesting on top of it. But being single in the city for too long has done a number on her self-confidence.
* * *
Coop: Yeah, I can’t say I blame her. It’s so hard here. If I haven’t found a girlfriend by next summer, I may have to move back to Maine. I mean, I love the music scene here, but it’s lonely as hell, and the girls in Maine are so much nicer.
* * *
Penny: Dude, and the girls in New York are a GAZILLION times nicer than the guys. It’s a savage dating jungle out there. I still believe there’s someone in this big bad metropolis for everyone, but Maggie’s never going to find her someone if she doesn’t poke her head out of her cave every once in a while. So maybe you can help her set up an Ignite profile? After you guys dance the night away and make every mean-spirited socialite at the ball terribly jealous of Maggie?
* * *
Coop: Consider the jealous part in the bag. And I’ll do my best with the app. But I’m not going to pressure her into doing something that doesn’t feel right. Some of us aren’t digital people, you know? We need to meet face to face.
* * *
Penny: That’s valid. Just because I fell in love with my husband via e-mail months before we met in real life doesn’t mean it’s easy to meet your soul mate online.
* * *
Coop: Bash does write a good e-mail.
* * *
Penny: He does. And he gives even better foot rubs. I’m off to get my preggers ankles massaged. Your rental tux is en route to your apartment and should be there in plenty of time for you to get changed and meet Maggie at seven.
* * *
Coop: Great! I’ll take good care of her, I promise.
* * *
Penny: Of course you will. Oh, and feel free to text me later. After the date. If you have anything you want to share.