He felt deeply ashamed for thinking she had only come for the money. How could he have misread her so appallingly? She had wanted to leave at the first opportunity because she didn’t feel safe. He had probably terrified her with his snarly comments and black looks. But, in spite of her fear, she had been drawn to him.
He thought of the way she kissed him, so unrestrainedly, as if for those few moments she had acted purely on instinct and allowed herself to be who she was truly meant to be. What would it take to unlock that frozen passion for good? To get her to come out of her protective shell and live life the way it was meant to be lived?
Was he the man to do it?
How could he help her when he couldn’t even help himself? He was stuck in a chair with legs that refused to work. He had nothing to offer her other than an affair to remember. He could just imagine her telling her friends about it some time in the future—the little fling she’d had with a guy in a wheelchair to get her confidence back. What a story that would be to dine out on.
He couldn’t think of anything worse.
Why couldn’t he have met her before his accident? They might have had a chance to build on the mutual attraction they felt. If he acted on it now, how could he be sure she wasn’t feeling sorry for him? How could he know she wanted him for himself and not as a confidence boost?
Why did it matter? It had never mattered before. Sex was sex. It was a physical experience that didn’t touch him emotionally. He’d had dozens of partners and he hadn’t once thought of anything but the physicality of making love. It wasn’t that he didn’t like the women he’d slept with, although admittedly he had liked some more than others.
He wasn’t comfortable with getting close to people emotionally. He had been very attached to his parents but the accident had taken them away from him and his brothers, shattering their lives in the blink of an eye. The family unit he had taken for granted had been destroyed. Everything that had been secure and sacred to them had been lost, even the very roof over their heads. The modest villa their mother had insisted they be brought up in to keep them grounded and in touch with those less fortunate than themselves had been sold within days of the funeral. They hadn’t been consulted. Their grandfather had taken control and he’d had no time for tears or tantrums. He ruled with an iron fist and it came down on anyone who dared to thwart his will.
Raoul had shut down the feeling part of himself because it was safer to be distant and in control than to be up close and unguarded.
Turning it back on again was out of the question.
Especially now....
CHAPTER TEN
DOMINIQUE WAS BEAMING from ear to ear when Lily came down for breakfast the next morning. ‘You have worked a miracle, oui?’
‘Yes, well, he’s agreed to keep me on for the month, but I wouldn’t get your hopes up too soon.’
‘Not that.’ Dominique pointed to the window. ‘Look.’
Lily moved over to the bank of windows. Raoul was in his wheelchair down near the stables talking to Etienne who had one of the horses on a lead. It was a huge beast, strong and feisty-looking with a regally arched neck, wide nostrils and jittery stamping feet. But after a moment it quietened, stepped forward and nuzzled against Raoul’s outstretched hand and then started rubbing its head against his chest with the sort of familiarity that spoke of deep affection and trust. Even from this distance she could see the smile on Raoul’s face. A knotty lump came up in her throat and she had to swallow a couple of times to remove it.
‘You are very good for him, Mademoiselle Archer.’ Dominique’s voice sounded like she had her own prickly lump to deal with. ‘I did not think he would ever go outside again. It broke my heart to see him. He bred that stallion himself. People from all over the world pay a lot of money to have him sire their foals.’
‘He looks gorgeous.’
Dominique gave her a cheeky look. ‘I was talking about the horse.’
Lily felt a blush steal over her cheeks. ‘So was I.’
The housekeeper poured Lily a coffee and handed it to her. ‘Etienne told me you used to ride.’
‘Not recently. I’d probably fall off as soon as the horse took a step.’
Dominique smiled at her. ‘They say it is like riding a bike, no? You never forget.’
Lily took the cup and cradled in in both hands. ‘Then I must be the exception to the rule because I’ve completely forgotten.’