"But why do you love Rowan?"
"Mona, let's not delve into that too much," said Quinn. "I think we've accomplished a great reconciliation here, and Lestat won't leave us now. "
"I was never going to leave," I said under my breath. "I would never abandon either of you. But now that we're gathered together, I think we can move on. There are other matters on my mind. "
Quiet.
"Yes, we should move on," said Mona.
"What other matters?" Quinn asked a little fearfully.
"Last night we talked about a certain quest," I said. "I made a promise. And I mean to keep it. But I want to clarify certain things . . . about the quest and what we hope to gain from it. "
"Yes," said Quinn. "I'm not sure I fully understand everything about the Taltos. "
"There's too much for us to understand," I said. "I'm sure Mona would agree with that. "
I saw the trouble come back into her bright face, the pucker of her eyebrows, the soft lengthening of her mouth. But even in this I saw a new maturity, a new self-confidence.
"I have some questions. . . . " I said.
"Yes," said Mona. "I'll try to answer them. "
I reflected, then plunged: "Are you absolutely certain that you do want to find these creatures?"
"Oh, I have to find Morrigan, you know that! Lestat, how could you, you said you-?"
"Let me phrase it differently," I said, raising my hand. "Never mind whatever you've said in the past. Now that you've had time to think-to become more accustomed to what you are, now that you know that Rowan and Michael weren't lying to you, that you do know everything, and that there's nothing to know- do you want to search out Morrigan simply to know that she's safe and sound, or to reveal yourself to her in a true reunion?"
"Yes, that is the essential question," said Quinn. "Which is it?"
"Well, for a true reunion obviously," she answered without hesitation. "I never thought of any other possibility. " She was bewildered. "I . . . I never considered just finding out if she was all right. I . . . always thought we'd be together. I want so much to put my arms around her, to hold her, to-. " Her face went blank with hurt. She fell silent.
"You do see," I asked as tactfully as I could, "if she wanted that, she would have come back to you a long time ago. "
Surely such thoughts had occurred to her before. They must have. But as I watched her now I wondered. Maybe she had dwelt on fantasies and lies-that Rowan knew the whereabouts of Morrigan and kept it secret. That Rowan had smuggled her the magic milk and it did no good.
Whatever the case, she was shaken now. Badly shaken.
"Maybe she couldn't come to me," she whispered. "Maybe Ash Templeton wouldn't let her. " She shook her head and put her hands to her forehead. "I don't know what kind of creature he is! Of course Michael and Rowan thought Ash was a . . . hero, a great all-knowing, wise observer of the centuries. But what if-. I don't know. I want to see her. I want to talk to her. I want to hear it from her, what she wants, don't you see? Why she didn't come to me all those years, why she didn't even . . . Lasher, he was cruel, but he was an aberrant soul, a. . . . " She covered her mouth with her right hand, her fingers trembling.
Quinn was beside himself. He couldn't bear to see her so unhappy.
"Mona, you can't give her the Blood," I said softly, "no matter what her circumstances. The Blood cannot be passed to this species of creature. It is too unknown for us even to consider such a thing. The Blood very likely can't be passed on to them. But even if it could, we can't make a new
species of Immortal. Believe me when I say there are ancient ones of our kind who would never tolerate such a thing happening. "
"Oh, I know that, I haven't asked for that, I wouldn't-. " She went quiet, obviously unable to speak.
"You want to know she's alive and well," said Quinn in the gentlest manner. "That's paramount, wouldn't you say?"
Mona nodded, looking away. "Yes-that there's a community of them somewhere, and they're happy. " She frowned. She battled her pain. She drew in her breath, cheeks reddening. "It isn't likely, is it?" She looked at me.
"No, it's not," I said. "That's what Rowan and Michael were trying to tell us. "
"Then I have to know what happened to them!" she whispered bitterly. "I have to!"
"I'll find out," I said.