She clears her throat. “So what do you want to watch?”
I lean my head back. Fuck, even her voice is seductive. “I don’t care. You pick.”
She’s quiet then, and the only sound is a replay of the Andy Griffith show. I open my eyes and look over at her. She’s not watching television, she’s watching me. “What is it?”
She sits up and swings her legs over until her feet hit the floor. She’s sitting on the edge of the bed and her shirt has ridden up, showing her thighs. “Can I ask you a question?”
“Yes,” I answer immediately. There’s nothing I have to hide from her.
She hesitates, and then I see her physically pull her shoulders back and jut her chin in the air. “So you liked me? Back when I was in high school.”
Shocked, I look anywhere but at her. Fuck, she’s a temptation that I’m not ready for. There’s no way I can talk about how I feel about her. I reach for the lamp between the two beds and lie back. “We should probably get some rest... tomorrow’s going to be a big day.”
I hold my breath, wondering if she’s going to insist I answer. When her bed creaks as she moves, letting me know she’s lying down, I start to breathe easier.
She turns the television down, but the light is still flickering across the screen.
“Uh, I was just wondering... I mean you said you did. I’m just wondering why you didn’t go for it? Why didn’t you ask me out? I would have said yes.”
I forget to breathe. So many thoughts cross my mind... me taking her to prom instead of some asshole, her moving to Whiskey Run to be with me instead of to be close to my sister. How would my life have been different if I’d acted on my feelings for her?
“You were too young.”
“Bullshit, John. I was eighteen my senior year. I was old enough.”
“You are my sister’s best friend. You deserve more than a one-night stand.” I grunt my answer at her. I’m mad at the world. Mad at what and who I am, things I’ve done, nightmares I have because I can’t forget the past.
I can hear the hurt in her voice. “Right... because that’s all you want. You don’t want anything more than a fling.”
I open my mouth and close it quickly. I need to just leave it. Let her think that and that will be that. But my heart starts to race, and my palms get sweaty. I push my hand through my hair. Keep quiet, John. Don’t say it.
I roll to my side and look over at her. When the television lights up, I see her staring back at me in the darkness. I have to say it. She needs to know. “No, Madison. I want it all. I want a wife and babies. I want a family to spend holidays with. I want a wife to come home to. But...” I let out a sigh from deep in my chest. “But I don’t deserve it.”
She springs up and sits on the edge of the bed. My heart is thumping so loudly I’m sure she can hear it. She’s watching me, and I sit up, mimicking her. My knees are almost touching hers as she leans forward. “John, that’s crazy talk. You know that, right? If anything, you deserve all that and more.”
I’m already shaking my head, but she’s not going to have it. She gets up and moves next to me. Her hip and thigh are pressed against mine, and she’s leaning into me, her breast against my arm. “Look at me.”
I lift my head and stare over at her. Her eyes are wide, and she grabs on to the front of my shirt. I grab her hand because this closeness is too much. “Madison… you need to go back over to your bed.”
She doesn’t move, though. I can see she’s weighing her options, and it’s like she makes a decision. She stands up, and I miss the closeness almost instantly. I expect her to go back over to her bed, but she doesn’t. She moves between my outstretched legs, grabs the hem of her shirt, and pulls it over her head. She’s standing in front of me with only a pair of panties on.
Fuck, this has gone to a whole other level, and there’s no way I can hold back anymore.
9
Madison
I don’t take a breath, I don’t dare even move. There’s real fear building inside me, and I don’t want him to reject me. How he can think he doesn’t deserve to be loved is beyond me. He deserves everything. He’s one of the best men I know.
His voice is deep and thick. “Madison.”
He’s going to push me away. He’s going to stop this from happening, and even though I want him so badly, I’m not going to push myself on him. I’m about to step back when his hands come to my waist. “Fuck, baby. You’re so beautiful.”