Closing my eyes, I drew in a deep breath and exhaled. Then I looked at the three of them. “I’ve been so miserable. I don’t know why I pushed Bishop away, other than the fact that I thought I was doing the right thing for him. I realized too late, though, that I didn’t want to divorce him.”
“Did you tell him that?” Greer asked.
“We played this stupid game of back and forth. He called and texted me a lot right after I left. I was so confused and lost that I couldn’t talk to him. I would either cry when I answered the phone or I’d simply ignore him. I thought if I filed for divorce, we could both move on. I was so incredibly stupid and wrong. I tried calling him, but after he got the divorce papers, my mother told me he kind of lost it. Got angry, drank a lot, that sort of thing.
“The day of the divorce, I tried to get him to talk to me. I begged him, actually. He wouldn’t. He simply wouldn’t, and when I asked my lawyer to stop the proceedings, she said it was too late. I was so upset I didn’t even think to question her on it. So I sat there and cried the entire time. I don’t think Bishop even looked at me once. When the judge granted the divorce, Bishop stood and walked out of the courtroom and never looked back. I tried calling, texting, but he’d turned the tables on me. He was the one ignoring me at that point. Eventually…we both just stopped trying. I was so hurt and angry, and honestly, just embarrassed about what I’d done.”
“Embarrassed?” Greer and Arabella said at the same time.
Greer shook her head and asked, “Why?”
“I was a coward, in so many different ways. Too afraid to talk to Bishop about my fears, so I did the only thing I could think of—I left him. God, if only I could go back in time. But I can’t,” I said with a somber laugh.
Candace had since let go of my hands, and I rubbed my palms over my thighs as I continued. “Months after the divorce—once I realized I would never be able to let go of the past, or Bishop—I decided I needed to come to Boggy Creek to talk to him. I saw him with another woman, and I felt…I felt the greatest heartache I’d ever experienced in my entire life. So I left again and went back to Boston.”
“And that’s when you stopped coming to Boggy Creek,” Arabella whispered.
All I could do was nod.
“Why did you come back now?” Candace asked.
I buried my face in my hands and cried. Suddenly, I had three sets of arms around me.
“Christ Almighty, what is this liquid leaking from my eyes onto my cashmere sweater?” Candace asked between sobs.
I laughed and dropped my hands. “Thank you, Candace.”
She wiped a tear away and nodded.
Blowing out a deep breath, I went on. “I made the biggest mistake of my life by leaving Bishop. I tried to go on a few dates, tried to force myself to move on, but I couldn’t. I had to finally admit it to myself. I love him, I’ve always loved him, and I don’t think I can do this anymore. Live this life without him.”
We all wiped at our eyes, and I drew in another shaky breath. “I don’t know if he’ll forgive me, and honestly I don’t expect him to. But…I need to at least give him the answers he deserves. I know I can’t simply walk back—” I cleared away the sudden lump in my throat. “I know I can’t walk back into his life and expect him to greet me with open arms. I have to try, though.”
The three of them looked at each other, then back at me. My heart dropped at their shared expressions of pity.
Greer pressed her fingertips to her mouth and then said, “I don’t know how to tell you this, Abby.”
She looked at Arabella and I swung my gaze to her. Arabella opened her mouth, closed it, then opened…and closed it again.
Candace sighed. “For the love of…I’ll tell her.” I jerked my eyes back to Candace. “Girl, he’s dating someone.”
“What?” I whispered. “I mean, I knew it was a possibility, since he’d stopped calling me and I saw him with that woman, but…why didn’t my folks tell me. How long has he dated her?”
“No!” the three of them all yelled, causing me to jump.
“It’s new,” Greer stated.
Arabella nodded. “Like, really, really new.”
“Like, super new,” Candace said with a big smile, clearly thinking it would make things better. “They went on their first date alone without the little girl last night.”
My stomach twisted into knots. “Little girl?”
Greer shot Candace a dirty look. “Real subtle, Candace.”