She wasn’t holding it together as well as I was. Or maybe I just thought I was keeping myself in check. As it was, every part of me hurt--my heart especially.
“It’ll be okay,” I found myself saying and reaching for her hand, taking her much smaller one, giving it a reassuring squeeze even though I felt like I was being a fraud in acting like I wasn’t breaking in two.
“It won’t, though,” she whispered, staring down at the floor, and then at where our hands were conjoined. “It’s such a long time.”
God, it really was. So fucking long.
She lifted her head and stared at me in the eyes, her mouth parting as if she wanted to say something. And I knew what it was. She wanted to bring up the drunken night where I’d taken her virginity and given her mine.
I slowly shook my head and gave her a genuine smile. “It’s okay,” I murmured. “What we shared was special, even if we were both drunker than hell.” Her cheeks turned pink but she smiled. “I’ll never regret being with you. I’ll never let it get between us. I love you more than anything or anyone else, Lia.” I’m in love with you. I wanted to say those words out loud, but now wasn’t the time, not when I was heading to a foreign country and would be so far away from her. When I told her those five words--I’m in love with you--I’d be here for good and be able to talk to her about it, hold her, let her know I was never going anywhere.
“I’ll wait for you. I’ll miss you. I hate this.” Those three sentences were a rush of words and I heard all the emotion laced in them.
I didn't stop myself from pulling her into my much larger body. She barely reached my chest, and as I placed a hand on the back of her head, keeping her close to me, wanting her even closer, I closed my eyes and just absorbed this feeling. I let my fingers tangle in her hair, the strands dark and soft, causing memories of our intimate time together to slam into my brain on repeat.
Pulling back was a hard fucking feat, but I bent at the knees and lowered my upper body so I could look Lia in the eyes fully. I cupped each side of her face, knowing my expression was pretty severe by the way she gasped. She lifted her hands and placed them over mine, her breath stalling, tears making those gorgeous irises of hers sparkle.
“I’m coming back to you. You're my girl.” In more ways than you know. “And before you know it, these next twelve months are gonna be behind us and we can get back to the way things were.” I leaned in and kissed her right on the lips. I shouldn't have done it, but I hadn’t been able to stop myself, not when she looked at me with so much heartbreaking beauty or when she held my hands to her… and certainly not when my love for her was consuming me whole.
I heard another gasp leave her as our lips met. I felt the warm breath leave her from the contact. And I did everything in my power not to groan at how good it felt to be with her like this. Maybe she didn’t know that this kiss meant so much more to me than a goodbye. It meant everything.
She meant everything.
Lia
I didn’t think I’d ever felt this kind of pain, one that settled right in the center of my chest. It had me dizzy, nauseous, and feeling like if I hadn’t already been sitting down my knees would have absolutely given out and I would have crumbled to the ground.
I’d been sitting at the airport for the last hour at least. Jameson’s plane had already departed, yet I hadn’t been able to leave, hadn’t been able to work up the courage to get up and go home. I felt like doing so would have made this all so very real.
I closed my eyes, still aware of all the people coming and going from all over the country--the world--moving around me. Yet I felt like I was in this globe, this thick glass all around me, preventing me from really experiencing reality. And I knew I wouldn’t feel right, wouldn't feel normal again until Jameson was back.
I lifted my hand and started rubbing the center of my chest as I opened my eyes and looked around. Was anyone else experiencing something similar to me? Had their heart been ripped out of their chest and held away from their body? Was that vital organ traveling half-way across the world right now?
I moved my hand on my chest to my mouth, feeling my lips tingle as I closed my eyes once more and remembered the kiss Jameson had given me. I should have felt shocked with that kiss. But I hadn’t. It had been--felt--so incredibly perfect and right. Aside from the other night when we’d gotten drunk and been together sexually, he’d never kissed me on the mouth. And although that goodbye hadn’t been anything erotic, it was hard not to want more, crave more… want the world with Jameson.