Tori kept her eyes closed the whole time Jesse fussed with her, making sure she was well-covered. No matter how many times Dr. Hendricks’s reassuring comments ran through her mind, she knew her actions had caused the miscarriage. In her stubbornness, she refused to see the doctor, worrying foolishly about gossip. She’d offended God by allowing Jesse to make love to her when they weren’t married. And, most of all, she’d rebuffed Jesse’s pleas to cut down her work hours. The weight of the guilt she carried paralyzed her.
Although scared, she’d loved her baby from the first. Sure, she felt ashamed, but she always loved the little life growing under her heart. To know her actions, her stubbornness and obstinacy, had caused her baby’s death made the grief so much worse.
Jesse pulled in front of their house and lifted her from the carriage. Rachel, who they’d left wringing her hands at the dance when he’d fled with Tori, stood inside the door, holding a lamp.
“Is she all right?”
“She will be. She needs to rest.”
“The baby?” Rachel whispered.
“We lost the baby.”
Tori turned her face into Jesse’s chest. She inhaled deeply, comforted by his smell. It didn’t surprise her Rachel knew. Why did she worry about everyone gossiping? Those who mattered to them wouldn’t condemn, and those who were true friends wouldn’t care. How foolish she’d been.
Jesse got her settled in bed, stoking the stove, and fussing with her covers. She still hadn’t said anything, but her eyes were opened, and she followed his movements around the room.
Rachel approached the bed. “Tori, can I get you anything?”
“Some tea might be nice,” she said, attempting a smile, but falling short.
With tears in her eyes, Rachel took Tori’s hand. “I’m so sorry.”
Tori swallowed against the lump in her throat. “I appreciate it.” Her voice trembled.
Rachel swiped at the tears that trickled down her face, and Tori pulled her in for a hug. After a long minute, the girl said, “I’ll get that tea now.”
Jesse stood with his back to the room, staring out the window, hands in his pockets. “Bring her some toast with it, please.”
“I’m not hungry,” Tori said.
“Bring it anyway, Rachel.” His tone didn’t allow for any argument.
He turned from the window and walked to the bed, taking her hands as he sat. “I’m sorry about the baby. It was mine, too, honey, but you’ll heal and, in time, there will be more.”
More? How could he stand to touch her after what she’d done? She pulled from his grip. “No.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean I don’t deserve babies, and I don’t deserve you. This is my fault.”
Jesse pulled her against him as the tears started again and dampened his shirt. “Of course it’s not your fault, Tori. Dr. Hendricks said these things happen sometimes. It’s no one’s fault.”
“I know you think I didn’t care about the baby,” she said, gulping between sobs. “Because I wouldn’t go to the doctor, or stop working, but I did love our baby.” She gulped again. “I did.” She tried to push him away. She didn’t deserve his compassion, but he only hugged her closer.
“I know that. And right now you’re miserable. So am I. But in time we’ll both feel better.”
Rachel carried a tray into the room and he motioned for her to set it on the dresser. “Thank you.” He turned, meeting Tori’s gaze. “I want you to drink your tea and eat some of the toast. Then I’ll give you the medicine Dr. Hendricks gave me to help you sleep.”
/> Tori drank most of the tea and managed a bite of the toast. Jesse put the tray back on the dresser and mixed the white powder in a glass of water. After she drank it down, he pulled the old quilt over her and kissed her on the forehead. She snuggled in deep, comforted by the familiar smell of the quilt, never hearing him close the door.
It didn’t surprise Jesse to find Rachel outside the door, her arms hugging her middle. “I’ve never seen Tori like this.”
“Losing a baby is a painful thing, Rachel, both to the body and the mind. I expect she’ll not be herself for a while. Do you think you can talk to Mrs. Bonner tomorrow? She’ll need to get someone else to do the baking now, instead of later. I’ll go see the school board president, Mr. Early, and let him know Tori will be out of work.”
“I know how to bake. I’ll take over for her.”
Warmth spread through him. Rachel had turned into a fine young lady. Tori should be proud.