“Depends on the situation.”
“So you don’t deny it?” she asks.
“I’m not into lying, Xi. I explained my reasons for keeping the club.”
“Do women have rights?” she asks almost shyly.
“It’s not the 50’s! Of course they do, but no they don’t get into our business because they’re a part of the club association. They’re not patched in or wearing a cut, so it’s not for them.”
“Cut?”
“The leather vest.”
“Oh. I’m out of my depth with this.”
The words feel like a nail poised to go into my coffin. This is the least of the things I have to say.
“This is just the tip of the iceberg, isn’t it?”
“It is.”
“Jesus, Shayne. What did you do?”
I take the plunge. “It’s not what I did. It’s what I used to believe. What my dad taught me from the moment I was old enough to understand words.” My body trembles and my palms grow clammy. The words are lodged in my throat like a pill I can’t get to down.
“Shayne?”
“He was a racist,” I croak.
“What?”
“A bigoted bastard who was against integration and taught my brother and I whites were superior.”
“You believed him?”
Clearing my throat, I nod my head. “I bought into it, hook, line, and sinker.”
“Oh my God.” She covers her mouth with her hand.
“We came from a small community, and we were surrounded by people who looked, talked, and acted like we did. There were a few others who thought the way my father did, but most ignored him.”
>
Her glossy eyes yield tears. I want to wipe them away, but I’m afraid to try and touch her. I couldn’t handle her pulling away from me.
“Did you hurt people like me?” Her voice cracks.
“No, it was never worse than the ranting of an ignorant man afraid of any sort of change. I realized that later.”
“How much later?”
“Longer than it should’ve taken.”
“How long, Shayne?” she yells.
My jaw clenches. “A couple of years. I’m not proud of it, Xia.” I bow my head.
“You let me get involved with you and never said a word,” she hisses.