“Because?”
“Because I need to be focused on study.”
“Because people who study don’t have boyfriends.”
Zarley watched the street and crossed when it was clear. “Not the smart ones.”
“So you pay him back.”
“In the year 3027.”
“So offer him interest. That’s a good deal.”
“You’re supposed to be talking me out of this. You don’t like him. He’s obnoxious, remember.” She could hear Cara moving about, the sound of a television in the background.
“He grows on you.”
“What am I missing here?”
“I had a call today from Plus. I have an interview tomorrow. There might be a job in their customer care team.”
Zarley stopped walking. “For real?” She was one of those annoying pedestrians. A man carrying shopping stepped around her with an exasperated look. She let him pass, he wore a business suit but sunny yellow socks that reminded her of Dev.
“It’s probably not going to happen, I’m not the only candidate but it’s something. Did you look at any news websites?”
Out of solidarity she hadn’t. If Reid didn’t want to know, she didn’t need to. She walked on, listening to Cara.
“The media savaged him today. He wrote to staff and a couple of websites got hold of it, and you probably already know this. You should go to Paris. It’s a once in a lifetime opportunity, Zar.”
She’d had the chance at once in a lifetime and blew it.
“We could go and I might never be invited to perform.”
“So you have a once in a lifetime holiday in Paris with a man you like a whole lot.”
More than like. “I don’t know if my passport is still valid. I don’t even know where it is, burned up, probably. It would take too long to organize a new one.”
“It was with my birth certificate in my button box. I’m looking at it now.”
Another weak excuse bites the dust. “It’s not only the airfare, it’s accommodation and food.”
“Then it will be 3050. He can wait.”
“That’s not right. I don’t want to feel indebted to him.”
“How do you want to feel toward him?”
She was outside Reid’s place now. He wouldn’t expect her for hours. She wanted to feel excited and respected, challenged and cherished, and he’d shown her all those feelings in a hot mess of greedy impulse and irresistible longing. She wanted to feel loved again after so long feeling like failure.
“I’m here now. I should go in.”
“Zarley, I’m sorry about Lou.”
It didn’t seem right he was gone.
“And it’s okay to want to be with Reid. He’s not like the others and you’re not like you were when you slept around for a fun fix.” Wasn’t she? That’s how it had started with Reid. “You haven’t been for a long time, but you’re still punishing yourself.”
“I lost a lot of time. I lost my family.” Lost herself.