“You should start acting like you don’t then.”
Erin snorted and shook her head. “You’ve always been this way, Pen. You hate your circumstances, so instead of changing them, you complain.”
“Kaspar’s keeping me as a prisoner until I marry him. Explain to me what I’m supposed to do.”
“Something. Anything. I don’t care. You were useful to me, and now you’re not. What else can I say?”
“You’re my sister. I want to come home.”
But Erin didn’t react. She only flattened her lips and leaned back, preparing to stand. Appealing to her sense of family loyalty wouldn’t get me anywhere—apparently, she had none. I doubted she cared much about me at all, aside from my value as a tool, and only cold logic would sway her.
Except I had none of that. Only emotions, deep and flawed and flowing, threatening to spill over. I remembered Erin stealing my toys as a little girl for no other reason than to see how I’d react. I remembered her sneaking me alcohol, and when I was good and drunk, telling Mother on me. I remembered a thousand little insults and slights, over and over again, for years and years, and it wasn’t until right now that I truly accepted that Erin didn’t love me, and might not have been capable of feeling something remotely like that.
She stood up.
“Good luck with Kaspar. If it makes you feel any better, he’s a good match. You could do much worse.”
“You marry him then.”
“That wouldn’t get me anywhere.”
“Do you really think Darren’s going to let you get away with this? He’s already trying to get me back.”
“And he’ll keep failing, because I’ll make sure to tip off Kaspar before his men can arrive. There have been more than a few attempts that you’re not even aware of.”
I felt the ground open up and swallow me whole. Darren would never rescue me, because Erin wouldn’t let him. God, what a nightmare.
“It still doesn’t help you. Chika might be on your side, but she’s only one person.”
Erin’s laugh was light. “Goodbye, Penny. Good luck.” She walked back toward the SUV, shaking her head.
I let her go. It wouldn’t help, trying to convince her to give a damn about me. Erin had made up her mind a long time ago that I was another toy for her to play with then break at her leisure, and she made sport of shattering me over and over again. I didn’t know why I thought I could reach her.
Kaspar returned and sat down next to me. His thigh touched mine.
“Did you work things out?”
“All I’ve worked out is that she’s a psychopath. Why are you dealing with her?”
“Maybe psychopaths are attracted to each other.” He smiled at me and shook his head. “I’m kidding. Erin got me to you, and that’s all I cared about. She’s nothing to me now.”
“Then why this stupid meeting? Why bring her here?”
“You needed to understand what she is if you’re going to let her go.”
I gaped at him. “This was about showing me that she doesn’t give a shit about me. You’re both twisted.”
“We are, except I care about you, Penny, and your sister does not.”
“You’re insane.”
“A little bit, yes, I suppose I am.”
“Take me back.” I stared at the table. I felt dizzy and sick. “I want to go back.”
“Then we’ll go.” He leaned closer. “But don’t feel so down. Erin can’t help what she is.”
“She’s my sister. She’s supposed to love me.”
“And she doesn’t. But I do.”
“You keep saying that.”
“And it keeps being true.” He patted my leg and stood. “For what it’s worth, I am sorry your family is such a nightmare. Your brother wants to save you, at least.”
I followed him back to the ATVs numbly and rode back. This time, I felt nothing but bitter and weak, drained and bleached dry.
14
Penny
Present Day
Somewhere in the Midwest
It was time to escape.
My meeting with Erin made my plan feel more desperate. I couldn’t sit around and wait for Cards to finally decide to make the first move—I had to push this forward and take the risk.
I waited a couple of days. Kaspar wasn’t around much and I was kept on the farm’s grounds. If I went outside, guards followed. The bathroom was the only place I had any real privacy, and even that was tenuous. If I showered for too long, someone would knock and make me answer, or threaten to break down the door.
Around eight that night, my chance appeared. Cards was left alone with me on the back porch. The sun had set a little while earlier, and the outside lights gave the surrounding fields a strange, orange glow. Two drones hovered in the air, their engines like the sound of a hundred dragonflies fluttering in the breeze.
I sat on a rocking chair near the railing. Cards stood back next to the door.