“Then do so and very quickly.” He scowled.
“You can’t just say that.”
“I want more with you. I like you in my arms when we lay in bed. I like fucking you every night. And I like how you make my mother laugh and my uncles smile.” His scowl deepened. “And my heart is. . .I don’t fucking know. Warm, fearful, and excited all at the same time.”
“Dima. . .”
“But most of all,” he touched his chest, “Every time you’re with me, my heart feels good.”
I parted my lips, stunned from all that he was saying.
“I’m a logical man, but I don’t want to be rational with you.”
I swallowed.
“Honestly. . .” He ran his fingers through his hair. “Honestly, I think I’m falling in love with you.”
My heart ached.
All words left me.
Dima leaned over, placed his forehead against mine, and whispered. “Talk to me, Rose. Tell me, you’ll give us a try.”
Fear filled my heart.
I moved away.
He deepened his frown. “Talk to me.”
“It. . .”
“What?”
“It makes me nervous to even think about taking this seriously, but. . .”
“But you want to?”
“I do.”
“Then, do it.”
I shook my head and looked away. “It’s not that easy, Dima.”
“I don’t know what you think of me or my life with the Syndicate, but it isn’t all murder and blood, bullets and brothels. Many days simply involve my trying to bring balance to the city.”
I desperately wanted to believe him.
“I’m not an evil man, Rose. Every day, I wake up hoping that there’s more peace than war, more love than death. Most days. I get my wish. There’s no bloodshed. No fighting.”
I faced him. “And other times?”
“You have an idea how those times may go. You’re with me during a bad time. I’ve had to bury Romeo, Chanel, Viktor, and more.”
“Leo killed them, but what about you?” Desperate, I leaned forward. “Would you have to. . .kill people?”
He shrugged. “Do you think that all of the men that you’ve been with, haven’t killed at least one person?”
“Or course not.”
“The chances of your dating a murderer in your life is high.”
“Still.”
“Still what?” He glared. “Your family is deep within politics and you know just how illegal and bloodied that can get. You don’t think your family has buried bodies?”
I hugged myself. “I’m sorry, Dima, but I can’t.”
“You can. You could try.”
I gulped in sadness mixed with fear. “But, I won’t.”
“You can’t walk away from me.” He rubbed his face with both hands and then shook his head. “It’s not an option. I don’t have it in me to let you go, Rose. Not when it feels so good to have you near me.”
“Maybe, we can do this for a few days or—”
“I want more than that. And that’s it.”
“Dima, you can’t force me to stay.”
“I can. . .” He let out an exasperated breath and left the bed. “But I won’t. . .not tonight. . .I’ll give you some time to think this through.”
I watched him walk off. “What do you mean?”
“We’ll talk in a week.” He grabbed another towel and wrapped it around his muscular waist. “Maybe, you need time to breathe. Perhaps, we started too fast.”
“Dima—”
“In the morning, my men will send you home, but understand this.” Anger covered his face. “There will be rules.”
I held out my hands. “What rules?”
“You don’t leave Paradise anytime soon.” He tilted his head to the side. “Do you understand that?”
“I planned on staying anyway, but that doesn’t mean you can tell me what to do or—”
“If you continue this hesitancy after a week, then maybe I’ll let you go.”
“It’s my choice.”
“Regardless, no other men until I’m over you.”
I blinked, not liking the idea of him never wanting me anymore. I looked away.
“Do you understand that part, Rose?” Rage coated his words. “If you truly don’t want death, then don’t meddle with that rule. I won’t be able to see another man next to you.”
I gazed at the dim darkness on my side. “I understand.”
“When I’m over you, do whatever the fuck you like.”
I swallowed. “And how will I know when you’re over me?”
“You’ll know.” He stormed off. And he didn’t leave out the balcony. He stomped to the door, opened it, and growled at the guards, “Move.”
They jumped out of his way.
The door slammed close.
My heart beat fast in my chest.
Shit.
I hated that I told him that. I wanted him to be happy. However, every statement had been true. Every damn word. I didn’t want to date a killer or have the love of my life a part of a criminal network. And it wasn’t due to my family’s concerns, it was my own fear.
While I had warmed to him, his mother, and uncles, I still feared them.
Damn it.
Yet, all of that didn’t explain the dull continuous aching in my heart. I rubbed my chest as if it would go away. My emotions consumed me. My eyes watered.