I follow him into the kitchen where he grabs two red solo cups from the kitchen island and hands me one. I don’t even know what’s in it. I just tilt the cup to my mouth and drink. It burns all the way down my throat, but I manage to keep it down. Music is playing in the living room and the furniture has been cleared out to make room to dance.
An upbeat song is blaring through the speakers, but Jameson holds me close. His hands on my hips, leading me in a slow dance like we are the only two people in the room. My arms go around his neck, our mouths fused together. His tongue sweeping inside my mouth full of adoration. We can’t keep our hands or mouths off one another. Eventually we find our way into a spare bedroom. Jameson lays me down on the bed and takes his time with me even though his kisses are frantic and so urgent.
His naked body blankets mine and we fit together so perfectly. No one will ever compare to this boy. He’s my everything. My future. One day when he’s famous, he’s going to marry me, but right now I know we are young and shouldn’t be so serious. I can’t help it though. I know what I feel for him is the real deal. True love.
His body moves against mine making me feel so good.
I never want this moment to end.
But all good things must come to an end and before I know it, he is looking at his phone and cussing. We hurriedly get dressed and go say our goodbyes to his friends though we mostly keep to ourselves. Jameson is my life. My world revolves around this boy.
Out in the driveway he presses me up against his truck and kisses me again.
“Everything is going to be different come tomorrow. All the local radio stations are going to be playing your song.” I smile at him as he opens the door for me.
“Nothing will change. You’ll always be my Fancy.”
He gets in the driver’s seat and peels out onto the road. I lean over and kiss his neck as he drives. I should have been home an hour ago. Nan is going to tan my hide, but it will be worth it.
“I love you, Jameson.”
“I love you, Peyton.” His mouth seals over mine. I close my eyes, and I feel so damn alive right now. So in love. Like I could fly up into the clouds and just float away on his love for me.
Then Jameson is ripped away from me as metal crunches and I do fly. I fly right through the windshield of his car.
I land in a heap on the ground. I can hear the horn blaring in my ears as they start to ring. I cough, tasting blood in my throat. I want to yell for Jameson, but I can’t. Shards of glass prick my skin and I feel like maybe I am dying. I blink my eyes as my vision blurs then everything is gone including Jameson Lewis.
I just want to feel again
I’ve lost all sense of control
My baby has gone away
I’m too young to feel so little
I just want to feel something
Make me feel you
Make your love real
I just want to feel again
Come back to me
Hurt me
Love me
Bring me your heart
Bring me your soul
Make me feel alive
A month passes before I come out of my coma and when I open my eyes to the changed world around me, my heart is completely shattered. Not only did Jameson skip town, but I lost my unborn child. I didn’t even know I was pregnant, and now I feel so hollow inside. How could Jameson just leave me without saying goodbye? How could he be so heartless? I thought that he loved me. He promised me I would always be his Fancy. His girl. Now I am nothing to him but a distant memory. Just somebody he used to know. The girl down the street he used to swap spit with. I’m back to being loser Peyton. The girl obsessed with dying. My world is dark and black as night. There’s nothing for me without him. I simply want to know why he left me? Why he made so many broken promises to me? What was the point of it all? Of loving him? I wish I never met Jameson Lewis.
If this is what love feels like, then I will never love anyone ever again. Definitely not him. This hurts deeper than any of my cuts. I don’t know how I am supposed to live without him. I can’t breathe and the walls of this stupid hospital room are closing in around me.