My back goes straight, and I pull my knees up under my chin, hugging my arms around them.
“Con…” He looks at me with a melancholy expression.
I am sure he feels bad for what he did. I feel guilt of my own, but for different reasons. When I first propositioned Holden, it was for revenge. I wanted to hurt Ezra, but then I let my guard down and let myself explore how I really felt about Holden. And these feelings I feel for him are just…wow. I can only imagine it being like seeing your first rainbow or for me your first butterfly. I can’t even explain the sensation, but I don’t believe anything can compare.
“You have to know that I regret hurting you. I don’t know what I was thinking. I was spending so much time with my dad that I don’t know…I started turning into him. It’s not an excuse. I know that. I’m sorry. I just—I love you. “
I look up at him and swallo
w hard because what I am about to say hurts. “You may love me, Ezra, but we both know you aren’t in love with me. If you were…you never would have fucked around on me. And right now, I feel more betrayed than anything. I don’t know what you want from me. I can forgive you sure, but I will always wonder when you will do it again and believe me you will. As much as you may promise me—I won’t stand in as second choice. I won’t play your whore.”
Suddenly, he reaches out and attempts to pull me into his arms, and I struggle against his grip. “I would never treat you like a whore, Conleigh. I want to give you everything.”
I shake my head as tears begin to pass between us. He has to know this is the end. I’m mostly sad I am losing my other best friend. For so long Ezra was my lover but most important of all he was my confidante and he broke my trust and lost my respect. It settles deep down in my gut—we’re through. There is no getting my respect for him back. When he offered me up to Holden as if I didn’t have a say in who I share my body with he very much treated me like his whore.
He continues to tug on my wrists. “Stop, Ezra. It’s over. We’re done! I’m in love with someone else,” I confess. I yank free from him and he slaps me as hard as he can across the cheek.
A bitter pain stings my jaw and radiates to my ear.
Holding my cheek, I gape at him in shock. My tears are thick as they rain down my cheeks. I never thought he would hit me. “Just go.”
“Snookems, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to…,” he pleads, appearing defeated.
“You don’t mean to do a lot of things, Ezra. Please, just leave.”
He nods and raises up from the bed. He doesn’t speak, and I don’t either. When he gets to the bedroom door he stops for a moment and looks back at me as I meet his gaze, mustering as much hate as I can into my glare.
I get up from the bed and he has the nerve to say, “I love you. I’ll win you back, Con. You’ll see. I’m not walking away from this—from us,” he vows. I step up in his face and he runs his finger over my red jaw. His head tips down and he kisses my cheek. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He brushes his lips over mine and I allow him this for reasons unknown to him. He thinks I am forgiving him, but this is goodbye. This ends here.
I won’t be that girl, as easy as it would be to look the other way, I can’t. Not now. Not since Holden. He’s somehow embedded himself in my very soul and I don’t know what I am going to do about that. But I do know that I can’t allow myself to go back to Ezra as though nothing has happened; too much has changed in the past twenty-four hours. I feel as though I am finally finding myself.
Ezra attempts to shove his tongue into my mouth and I press my palms against his chest in protest, but he takes it as an invitation. He pushes me back toward the bed as he grips my wrists. “God, I want you. I’m so hard for you, Con. I need you.”
I manage to break from his hold and knee him in the balls. “Never again, Ezra.” He goes down on his knees cupping his nuts with his eyes bulging out in pain. I shove his shoulder and shout, “Asshole,” as I go to the bathroom. Slamming the door, I lock it for good measure. I sit on the toilet wondering what I am doing here. Holden has an office, I wonder how he’d feel if I asked to rent the room from him until I sort my shit out. I hang my head between my legs and cry. This isn’t how things were supposed to be. When I moved in with Ezra I thought it would be our saving grace. In the end, it’s what destroyed us.
A fist bangs against the bathroom door. “Conleigh, just listen to me, please. I’ll do anything. We’re supposed to be together.”
“Just go. Go crawling back to Judy or ask your daddy to get you an apartment. You belong in the city. You don’t fit in here anymore.” His palm smacks the door. “You don’t mean that. You’ll come begging me to take care of you. Without your mom’s money, you’ll be needing me and just maybe I’ll wait and take you back, but I won’t wait forever. I have options.” His voice is hoarse and harsh.
The front door slams and I release the breath I didn’t know I was holding.
When I am sure that he has gone, I go into the kitchen and crack open a bottle of Jack Daniels. I go into the living room and collapse on the recliner. Drinking until my fingers feel numb.
I want to reach out to Holden but I’m stubborn and pissed that he gave me the brush off at the bar. I should have known he’d get what he wanted and move on. Flipping through the channels on TV, I debate calling Bailey, but I don’t want her to rush over and make things more than they are. She tends to overact and be dramatic, not that it wouldn’t exactly be warranted but…still, I really want to be alone.
I even think about going to the bar to see Holden but then I remember my jaw and think better of it. I take another swig and curse all men under my breath.
————
Several hours, a very dry mouth, and pounding head later, I wake up in the recliner to the sound of a party raging around me. Wiping my eyes, I then lick my lips. My vision is still blurry, and my mouth is still dry as I glance around the room, hoping it’s only another one of my fucked-up dreams. There’s a guy on the couch. His pants are around his ankles with some stringy haired chick between his legs giving him a blowjob. I blink, certain it has to be a dream. Music is blaring out of the stereo system and there’s two girls dancing on the coffee table topless. What the serious fuck? I go to get up when something wet spills into my lap. The bottle of Jack Daniels I was cradling before I passed out. I look like I have pissed myself. Super. Just fucking wonderful. I get up, knees wobbly as I grip the side of the chair for support. The room is swaying. I’m not even sure how much I drank as my stomach rolls.
“We meet again, love,” Wren says over the music, approaching me wearing nothing but his jeans and a smile.
My head pounds in tune with the bass of the music.
Rubbing my temple, I ask, “What are you doing here?”
“I’m your houseguest. For a few weeks, anyway.” He winks and takes the nearly empty bottle of Jack from my other hand.