My heart squeezes in my chest. This is how it should be, and I feel like a rotten bastard that I gotta leave soon with no idea when I’ll return. But she said she’d wait for me. As long as it takes.
Part Two
Chapter Twenty-nine
Present day
I climb on my bike. The past eighteen years play on a loop like the scenes of a movie as I roar down the highway. The first time I saw Alexa. Pure trouble. Pure temptation. Losing Rochelle. A pain I thought I’d never come out the other side from. Watching Wylla Mae grow up without me. Seeing her evolve into a beautiful young woman and completely flourish despite all the shit life threw at her for being tainted with my blood. Watching Alexa go from man to man ruining every good relationship she had. Bringing men into her life she had no intention of settling down with. Anything or anyone to dull the pain. A free bird who never wanted to be caged by any man but me. Punishing herself for what happened with Rochelle and Colter. Hating herself for loving me.
She hit a breaking point when Wylla Mae was eight. The kid had a cold. I remember it like it was yesterday. Alexa called me. She never called, but she sounded so damn desperate, I couldn’t stay away. It killed me to see Alexa and Wylla Mae. That little girl was the spitting image of her dead sister. Like the daylight to Rochelle’s dark. Every time I looked at Wylla all I saw was the child I lost and another I couldn’t be there for. Hurt like hell. Like a curse I couldn’t break. During this time Ruthie kept suffering miscarriages. A never ending cycle of loss and grief.
Life was hell and the devil was fucking me at every turn.
Took Easton Reed with me to check in on Alexa and my daughter. When we got there the house was a mess. The house I bought them because even though I couldn’t enjoy it with them I wanted them to have the best. I knew she was having one of her breakdowns. They always came on around Rochelle’s birthday or the anniversary of the accident.
This time was worse than any of the others. She’d taken a bunch of sleeping pills trying to chase her demons away. I had no choice but to send Wylla Mae away with East. If Alexa was gonna die it wouldn’t be in front of our daughter. I forced my fingers down her throat, made her expel what she could. Thank fuck she didn’t take enough to do any real damage. I wanted to kill her myself for being so damn stupid.
“I forgive you, Alexa, but now it’s time to forgive yourself, because so help me if you check out on me, I’ll soon follow you to hell to torment you for all of eternity. She needs you, Lex. I can’t be the man she needs, but you’re wasting your life away. Pull yourself together or I’m gonna take Wylla to live with Lily.”
I spent the weekend putting her back together. Got her in to see a shrink to deal with her survivor’s guilt. Our relationship shifted after that. I stopped fucking her. She’d gotten with Easton. A damn good man, but they weren’t right for each other. Alexa’s always belonged to me and life had other plans for East. Fucking bastard fell in love with my Wylla Mae when she became an adult.
I wanted to be angry. Wanted to cut him down. But I know one thing in this life. You don’t choose who to love. It just fucking happens.
Fucking Ruthie. Bitch played me all these years. Cheated me from a life with Alexa and raising my daughter. All she wanted was one more child to replace the one we had lost, and she’d destroy the evidence she had on me and the club. Sounded easy. Simple even. But she could never carry past five months. Each new loss was another stab to my heart. Another broken promise. Another year lost to a woman I despise. A woman who plotted behind my back with East’s cunt ex to kill Wylla Mae and Alexa.
Alexa took a bullet to the abdomen protecting our daughter. Ruthie better count her fucking blessings that Alexa lived.
Now she’s on the run. Knows that if she shows her face in West Virginia I’ll end her pathetic life. I want her to suffer and always look over her shoulder for what she did to me. For the hell she put Alexa through.
I roll up to Alexa’s unannounced. She’s been avoiding me since her doctor gave her the all clear after her shooting. I’m running out of patience. It’s time we set shit straight face to face. No more dodging my phone calls and refusing to see me.
I know I’ve got a lot to make up for, but hell she hasn’t been no saint. I cover the peephole with the pad of my finger and ring the doorbell. I wait and nothing.
I ring the bell four more times. I’m this close to breaking in.
She promised me she’d wait for me. It may have taken us a long motherfuckin’ time to get here, but I’m here to collect on that promise she made me all those years ago.
“I know it’s you. I don’t have anything to say to you,” her voice filters through the door.
“Well I got plenty to say to you. So you can listen through the door if that’s your choice, but we’re having this conversation.”
“Fine.”
I take a step back and wait for the door to open but two minutes pass. She’s called my bluff. Fuck it. I’ll use my key. I fish it out my pocket and go to stick it in the lock to find she’s had them changed. Not that I blame her after the shit she’s been through, but I keep eyes on her house all hours, night and day. Sometimes my own.
“Let me in, Alexa, or so help me I’ll kick the damn thing in. Need to see your face. Gonna give you to the count of three.” I suck in a breath and get ready to force my way in if need be, but I hear the lock click.
The door swings open and there she is, big pouty red lips. The prettiest thing I ever laid eyes on in all my days. Olive green eyes glittering with the tiniest flecks of gold. Body made from sin and for loving me. A body I’ve taken advantage of more times than I can count. A body I can’t live without.
“You have five minutes then I want you gone.” Stepping to the side she allows me inside. The door closes the second I pass through it nearly catching me on the ass.
Folding her arms over her chest, she stares at me hard enough to turn my bones into stone then crush me to dust, but I’ve never been one to back down from a fight, and I won’t start today.
“Tick tock.”
It’s now or never. Time to lay it on the line and remind her that no matter what’s happened between us. No matter what Alexa will always be mine. “All these years...wasted them. Coulda been happy. You and me, babe. Coulda been kissing you. Having that sweet cunt in my bed. Got nothing to show for it. Got nothing but regret. But I'm here now.”
“Go fuck yourself, Murder.”